The Governor's bodyguards!

A day after resigning as Andhra Pradesh governor in the wake of a sex scandal he was allegedly involved in, N D Tiwari quietly left Hyderabad on Sunday......The 86-year-old leader had resigned Saturday citing health reasons. The resignation came a day after a Telugu television channel showed pictures of a man purported to be Tiwari in a compromising position with three women. [Link]

The Governor ND Tiwari was over eighty

Allegedly had a weakness for girls pretty

Oh! More trouble is brewing

And Press is now showing

His bodyguards were girls of twenty!

Vivek

The Sound of Earworm

Earworms are those songs that get lodged in your cranium, playing over and over and over. There's been surprisingly little published research on the phenomenon, although that hasn't stopped popular science writers like Oliver Sacks from speculating about it. There's an 'expert' in the form of Professor James Kellaris at the University of Cincinnati, but his investigations all appear to be unpublished. That hasn't stopped Kellaris' university from hosting a website devoted to earworms. And there's also an online earworm exhibition at San Francisco's Exploratorium. [Link]

A scientist James Kellaris invented a term

My humming song he called an 'Earworm'

Imagine someone who hums

A song when earworm squirms!

Zoologist are you, James? Let's confirm!

Vivek

Faster methods

Demands for smaller states across the country. Leaders adopt "fasts unto death". (LINK)

Bundelkhand, Harit Pradesh and Purvanchal from Uttar Pradesh
A state each for Garos and Khasis from Meghalaya
Gorkhaland from West Bengal
Bodoland from Assam
Coorg in Karnataka
Vidarbha in Maharashtra
Saurashtra in Gujarat
Mithilanchal in Bihar
Mahakosala in Orissa
Ladakh & Jammu in J&K

Want your own kingdom ? Just undertake a fast,
The threats have always worked in the past,
Have guys run helter skelter,
Aided by maybe a stone pelter,
Burn some buses and maybe have a blast....

Leaders in ICCUs, oxygen at the nose,
Thinking what a great victory over all the foes,
With Z seciurity cover,
And the Doctors hover,
They sleep as outside others come to blows...

Yet what of the farmer, troubled by the rain,
Sometimes none, and then a flood yet again,
Its another interminable wait,
Nothing achieved by a new state,
The ordinary man just carries on with the pain.....

Cathedral statues replace shoes as weapons

Italian Premier hit by a statue of the Milan Cathedral . Now in hospital with a broken nose, broken teeth and cut lips. LINK


First the fashion was throwing shoes,
Then the definition turned a bit loose,
Now statues are the latest,
For impact they're the greatest,
From where to hurl, you can always choose

A cathedral statue is real dense,
As a weapon it makes good sense,
The Italin PM sure has foes,
They threw and broke his nose,
Captured nicely on a telephoto lense....

The Dirty Truth About Health

It's said that cleanliness is next to godliness -- but super-clean parenting can put kids at risk of developing heart disease, a new study has revealed. Researchers have carried out the study and found that assiduous attention to cleanliness depresses a developing immune system, which can lead to cardiovascular problems in kids later in life. [Link]

There was a beauty from Adelaid

Who never saw her Doctor, she said

"You're healthy and pretty

'Cause you are so dirty"

Says the research of Thomas McDade!

Vivek

Error message

BCCI may lift ban (for cricket match fixing) on Azharuddin (LINK)



A cheater, now monitor of the class,
Said."I'm important, so I hope I pass..",
If the MP matchfixing accused,
From his guilt, can be excused,
For me, it will be such a simple task....

Billion-foolish, penny-wise

Koda fails to appear before ED for questioning for the third time....(LINK)

I was a day late returning a book,
"Pay the fine" they said, and i said ,"Look,
I had the swine flu,
And my weakness just grew
A full hour to walk here, for me , it took......"


But the ED doesnt know how to enforce,
Rules on scamster Madhu Koda , of course,
"Dont bother me", says he,
"I'm electioneering, can't you see",
I will spend it all while you search for the source.."

Authorities are billion-foolish , penny-wise,
Scamsters intimidate in a minister's guise,
Petty people they chase,
And bungle every big case,
For guessing who wins, there will be no prize......

The MNCs play Gilli Danda

Sony Plastation has digitalised the Indian game Gilli Danda [Link]

Hear this! Sony digitalized Gilli-Danda
And Coke said ‘Piyo Thanda, Jiyo Thanda’
The MNCs have understood the game
For the route to Money and Fame
Don’t ignore India, that’s the 'basic funda'

Vivek

Parole Party

Murderer get parole based on lies. LINK




He asks "where's the party tonight ?",
I need to get my parole reasons right,
Religious ceremony for the dead,
My mother isnt well, he said,
If this doesnt convince them , nothing might.



The most well connected prisoner, by far,
Got paroled and went straight to a 5 star,
Misbehaving with girls , his choice,
But the public errupted in noise,
And he had to burrow back into his cell at Tihar

He has political cushions on which to lean,
For him a charmed life in jail it has been,
CM supports him on the whole,
Lets him tell lies to get parole,
How long he stays in prison, remains to be seen.....

Diary of Madhu Koda

A case was registered against Koda and eight others by the Enforcement Directorate of IT department on October 10 for alleged money laundering, diversion of state funds and indulging in huge illegal investments abroad.
(link)

Mines in Thailand, money in Europe,
Madhu Koda's fortunes on a wild gallop,
But his stomach is in pain,
CBI waits for him yet again,
And the name diary still packs a good wallop...

Government, for them, of them, by them.....

Maharashtra politicians finally end their haggling for riches, and form a government. LINK


They get elected with a majority thin,
Fight, then say, the situation is "win-win",
After 16 days of waste,
I wonder if this is a taste,
Of what awaits us, when they actually begin...



Its actually a shameless tug-of-war,
Greedy chaps, they all want more,
More money, less work,
Responsibility ? Lets shirk !
The whole thing is rotten down to the core.....

H1N1 in Gujarat

Narendra Modi, the chief minister of Gujarat was diagnosed with swine flu recently., after a visit to Russia. (Link)



The man everyone loves to hate,
He has Swine Flu, as of to-date,
But now its very clear
He got it from Russia,
In Gujarat, the vaccine wont reach late

Reptiles and the Norwegian Sin

The news report on which this limerick is based is absolutely hilarious. I have copied and pasted it fully for the benefit of readers.

The Norwegian man was a bit weird
To whom the reptiles got endeared
The Customs Officer said, 'Arrest'
'There are snakes around his waist'
He dropped pants, out came lizards!!

OSLO (Reuters) - A man was caught by Norwegian customs carrying a tarantula in his bag, and a further 14 royal pythons and 10 albino leopard geckos taped to his body, media reported Monday.
The 22-year-old Norwegian was stopped in a routine check by Kristiansand customs after arriving on a ferry from Denmark, newspaper Faedrelandsvennen reported.
Customs found the tarantula, before deciding to give him a full body search that revealed 14 stockings -- one for each snake -- taped around his torso, top selling tabloid VG said.
Reptile smuggling is not uncommon in Norway, which prohibits people holding many reptile species as pets, but office manager Helge Breilid at Kristiansand customs was quoted by VG as saying customs officers had been "horrified" by Sunday's catch.
"Customs officers quickly realized the man was smuggling animals, because his whole body was in constant motion," Breilid told VG.
When the man dropped his pants, the officers found 10 cans taped to his legs, each containing a lizard, he said.
The man was still being held by police Monday, Kristiansand police attorney Johann Martin Kile told VG, adding he would be released upon agreeing to pay a 12,500 Norwegian crowns ($2,256) fine.
The reptiles were handed over to a security firm until Norwegian authorities decide what to do with them, Breilid said.
(Reporting by Richard Solem)

Yes, he can ....

Before the exams, the results are out,
Nobel Folks have shown what its all about,
Mr Obama , the man,
Kept saying, "Yes , I can...",
I guess it matters how loud you shout.

Actress says M[e]ao

Priyanka Chopra complained that she was overworked and underpaid [Link]


They make her speak all abracadabra
On sex, scotch and stripes of zebra
But, listen, what she said!
"I'm overworked and underpaid!!"
We're in the same boat, O Priyanka Chopra!


Vivek

words of encouragement

My son, the election candidate,
To get power , its never too late;
To Gujarat , take a trip
All the costs you can skip,
Your mother's qualifications are great !

Ministers on your left, babus on the right,
So long as I'm there you dont need to fight,
For a start you can learn,
To grant things out of turn,
And whenever you wish, just take a big bite...

The other day, while addressing American schoolchildren, US President Obama stated that his ideal dinner guest would be Gandhi. [Link]

The US President Obama
Created a minor 'Hungama'
He said 'Gandhi is the best'
As presidential dinner guest
But it was a fasting day for the Mahatma!

Vivek

Quick and desperate solutions

For all the Congress talk of austerity and sacrifice in the time of drought — its MPs have been asked to pay 20% of their salary for drought relief — two of its high-profile Ministers are comfortably settled in two five-star hotels in the capital.

For over three months now, External Affairs Minister S M Krishna is at ITC’s Maurya on Sardar Patel Marg and his junior Shashi Tharoor at Hotel Taj Mahal on Man Singh Road Link


There was a young chap in a school,
Who was asked what profession was cool;
He said, "Politics , by far,
Your life is five-star,
And the food will just make you drool..."

Dal is so expensive , we just make kadhi,
Petrol soars, I share a bike with my buddy,
What use is a Rank,
With nothing in the bank,
Its really pointless to continue to study.

Wear a tricolor scarf, walk in the crowd,
Ordinary speeches, then Jai Hind really loud,
Delete the trouble makers,
Reward the loyal fakers,
Emerge as a minister, bloody but unbowed.

NEXT IS WHAT?

(Roger Federer won his 15th Grand Slam tournament yesterday at the 2009 Wimbledon Championships - more than any other man in tennis history.)

You need no more ask, "Tennis ka king kaun?"
That was confirmed at Wimbledon,
Talent aplenty, lots of grit,
50 aces did he hit,
Take a bow, Federer, the summit is won!

Dal, flies and cricket

June 20,2009
Obama can cook keema, dal; is a big cricket fan (Link)

US President Barack H Obama can cook kheema and dal. He is a fan of cricket but terrible with bats. These little known secrets about Obama were revealed during his interview to Dawn television of Pakistan where he reflected upon his acquaintance with the South Asian culture.


As a student , Dal, he learned to cook,
But in cricket, could never master the hook,
But he proudly said, "I,
"Can now murder a fly",
Getting to the White House was all it took....

A twist in the tale...

Pranab Loses Cool, Twists Photo Journalist's Ear (Link)



Grandfather ministers, simply have no fear,
They brook no interference , thats clear,
If your camera is a pest,
And a photo you request,
They just frown and come twist your ear.....


Some members in parliament act juvenile,
Keep interrupting the Speaker, all the while..
So as they disturb and shout,
This minister has enough clout,
And should drag and twist their long ears in style

More Tobacco day ?

In his infinite wisdom, the Health Minister chooses World NO Tobacco Day, to say, that showing people puffing cigarettes in movies is fine, and need not be banned.... (link)





The combined knowledge of a ministerial mind,
May possibly leave some empty space behind,
For despite United Nations,
And "anti tobacco" declarations,
The election euphoria has made them so blind





So while heroes in movies inhale a poison puff,
Kill a kidnapped child, and then say " how tough!,
That's entertainment,dance and song,
We show kids everything that's wrong,
Its you who allows them to watch all that stuff..".

So just like reel life , real life teaches,
No one's impressed by ministerial speeches,
They're busy checking "offers",
Its always time to fill the coffers,
And then suck the common man dry, like parasitic leeches...

How to be a minister....

Ten days after the election results are out, and the formation of the cabinet is delayed due to various parties and folks cashing on on IOU's , family avarice, and religion.....

Elected Children of MP's vying for a post,
Some folks in Delhi, favoring their dost,
Chief ministers in a huff,
We feel enough is enough,
Passing an exam must be compulsory for most

Choosing on religion, and merit unseen,
Votes , the final consideration has been,
Next come the states,
Wide open the floodgates,
This is bigger than any cabinet we've seen

Would you like to be a minister, tell me now,
No need to study, just learn how to bow,
No exams , no results,
Just follow political cults,
But stay away from those who follow Chairman Mao.....

Handful of Love

This is what Shilpa Shetty says about her African Safari experience on her blog ....
"Fed ostriches and got pecked by one! And also fed a giraffe, they have the longest purple tongues, wrapped it around my hand, leaving its saliva all over it, eeow! But what fun" [Link to her Blog]


The tallest animal, the African Giraffe
Said 'Yaron, Mera dil to hai saaf'
He used his long purple tongue
Licked Shilpa's hands and sung
'My job just begun, not done even half'

Vivek

Blogging at 97 : RIP

Spanish granny dubbed 'world's oldest blogger' dies (link)

Maria Amelia Lopez, who died on Wednesday, began blogging from her home in Galicia two years ago, winning a raft of fans with her eclectic mix of commentary and nostalgia infused with a sharp wit. She said ,""On December 23rd 2006, my grandson gave me a present, this blog when I was 95 years old ... and my life changed ... now, I can communicate and interact with the world.".......





Her grandson gifted her a blog in 2006,
And she picked up the techniques and tricks,
As 95 years og age,
Blogging page after page,
And the numerous comments gave her the kicks....




The worlds oldest, Maria Amelia Lopez,
And she Blogged for a total of 888 days,
She woke up the world,
Her opinions unfurled,
Set an example for us in so many ways...

At the age of 97, she is, no more, now
Her regular readers miss her and how!
So incisive her writing,
The wit was so biting,
All I can say, is simply, Oh Wow !......

Pardon me, Say it again please....

Dr. Manmohan Singh [76] has chosen old ministers for his cabinet, with average age of 65!

He was waiting, he had got elected
PM called him up, and he said
'Rush to Delhi, Get ready
For swearing in, Old Buddy',
He shouted 'where is my hearing aid'!

Vivek

A SHOE FOR LUCK

(Today’s Mumbai Mirror reports how all the candidates who had shoes thrown at them by members of the public, won the elections. See link.)

Cinderella found a prince when she lost her shoe,
Our MP-s won the polls when they ducked a shoe,
Horse-shoes are age-old symbols of luck,
So, if you, too, want to make a fast buck,
Ask a well-wisher to throw his footwear at you.

Criminals up by 17%

150 tainted MPs in 15th Lok Sabha: Report (link)









Pay your taxes on time, and stand in a line,
Follow al the rules and you'll be just fine,
Dont treat govt as fools,
Obey the traffic rules,
Just slog daily from nine to nine....

But if you're a murderer, or a cheat,
You can fight for a parliament seat,
With a bad criminal case,
Get a halo behind your face,
And smile at the boss in the party meet.....

Criminals in the legislature,up by 17 percent,
I just wonder where all the decent types went,
I'm just wondering whether,
We can pack all crooks together,
And replace them with folks with some decent intent.......

Circus :The aftermath

The circus is over, winners take a bow,
Statues and capes gone for a toss and how!
S0 on to some economic acrobatics,
The clowns will avoid the slapsticks,
The need is to sing together our Anthem now

Citizen Lament

Jayalalitha, resplendent in her cape so great,
Hopes the call from New Delhi will not be late,
What is now very clear,
Is she doesnt like Sonia,
But there are things that could alter this concept of hate....




Statues to the left and Statues to the right,
Leaning and towering, eighteeen feet in height,
And as UP looks at posts higher,
they realize it is all just Maya,
And her belief that her future in Delhi is so bright

So we go eastwards lest Mamata we forget ,
To beat the Left, we think she is just set,
But its interesting to learn,
To Mama Mia she may turn,
And we wonder how then she'll get along with the Left?

Manifestoes will adorn every party's face,
Lies will be stated with the most disgusting grace,
Ministers will be sworn,
More crooks will be born,
Making more money ? Let them count the ways.....

This game of power has sure become funny,
Everyone's so righteous, except about money,
Pockets being crammed,
Principles be damned,
It doesnt matter whether its Manmohan or Advani.....

Criteria for selection

General Elections 2009 : candidates with Criminal Records, A comparative look .(Link)







If you are pure,white and clear as snow,
You really dont stand a chance you know,
For a candidate in an election,
Must be a criminal for selection,
And must have at least 25 court cases to show

Cleaning the mind

Judge asks accused to mop floor of hospital (Link) Justice B Chandra Kumar, while granting anticipatory bail to a techie Dinesh Kumar in an eve teasing case, put a condition that he (the techie) should clean the floors of Gandhi General Hospital for a month.

If only, to his good senses he had paid heed,
The techie, would have not done this deed,
Troubled two girls from a bike,
Pulled dupattas and the like,
His brain deserting him in the hour of need....

He absconded , was traced, a court he had to face,
The judge decided to put him nicely in his place,
The mind , clean he must keep,
Daily the hospital he must sweep,
Such an appropriate sentence by the judge in this case .....

The Genetic Anger

Do you get often angry? It is attributed to a gene called DARRP-32 says Hindustan Times news.

Some get angry and some straight face
We knew always what that was the case
It's in the genes, they said it
'DARRP-Thitytwo' is the culprit,
Angry? Thank dad, mom and your race!

Election of Frogs....

Gov solution to dengue: Feed mosquitoes to frogs (LINK)

International studies have concluded that frogs are in no way effective in containing the mosquito population in the country. Delhi State health department may ship frogs from UP and Haryana.




Some folks in Haryana must be tickled pink,
They've convinced the Delhi government to think,
Who cares what anyone thinks of it,
Their frog farms will earn a profit,
As for the polluted Yamuna. It can just stink....



Dengue and malaria, your life goes to the dogs,
These mosquitoes are supposedly mithai to the frogs,
If you see a frog watching you,
Next time you use the loo,
Its just relaxing after all the insects it hogs



But scientists imply that frogs believe in caste,
These dengue type mosquitoes by them are bypassed,
Yet as a sop across the Delhi border,
The frogs will still be put on Order,
And sense and science will be totally outclassed......

No, thank you, not now.....

Nehru-Gandhi scion says not ready to be Indian PM (Link)





He slogged at school all thru his childhood,
Crowded trains to college, as any other would,
He feels someone has lied
For a job he has applied,
And he isnt getting replies ,thats not good....


These qualifications for some are never seen,
It matters most who your father has been,
They say "Now is the time,
To be our minister, Prime",
And he says," No , not now, I'm not really keen...."



A lifetime of facilities and requirements to waive,
Publicly funded security , by our soldiers so brave,
But what boggles imagination,
Is incomes without education,
And a raining of benefits, which you greedily save...




Do we have no respect for the middle class man,
Managing his job, and family , as best as he can,
Tries to live in good deeds
Minimizing his needs,
But he has lost the election before it even began.....

A ‘SIZZLING’ AFFAIR

(This 'limerick' is, hopefully, an accurate and journalistic reporting of the affair)

Five eager bloggers met for lunch,
It’d be rather fun, they had a hunch,
There was discussion aplenty,
Stomachs went not empty,
To sum up: “talk, sizzle, talk, munch, munch, munch”.

Footwear industry reports great second quarter gains....

Net to protect Modi from possible shoe attack (Link)




You either duck, or you return the shot,
The badminton racket , for that , is really hot,
But when the shuttle is a shoe,
What's a politician to do ?
Put a net in front , thats what Modi has got....



But folks are angry, and thinking on their toes,
Practising angles and speeds of their throws,
Some guys might get real wise,
And Even reduce the shoe size,
So it passes thru the Net, and targets the nose



On the throne , Bharat placed Lord Ram's padukaas,
With great respect they were worshipped en masse
But in these eras of disgust
Search, we really must,
For some decent folks amidst the bosses and stars....

DIAL M FOR MALLIKA’S MILKSHAKE

(Our very own man-magnet, Ms Mallika Sherawat, recently had a milkshake named after her, following in the footsteps of the illustrious Ms Victoria Beckham. Mallika was recently seen on NDTV – courtesy YouTube – enthusiastically throwing strawberries into…the milk).

Move over, MNC Nestle’s old-fashioned Milkmaid
Desi Mallika is our fave Mother Dairy, instead,
This busty lissome damsel,
Easily can milkshake sell,
Whatever you may call her, you can’t call her staid.

An abundance of anger

Food packet flung at a politician in Goa (Link)


Dodging flung missiles, is a practised art,
Shoes, chappals, food , where do you start?
This Goan man was so funny
He flung a packet of biryani
Saying, in a democracy , I'm just playing my part.....

And although , while dodging , the politicians fumble,
They never lose their balance, just fall, or stumble
The netas are so khush,
They feel just like Bush,
To be a shoe target , is now a status symbol.....

The unbearable lightness of " being rice"

(Click on the delicious stuff to give up)

Rice pearls indulged by thick curds,
Add pickle, and I have no words
To describe the taste,
No time to waste,
Slurp! manners are just for birds...

Deep into the sambar, lost is the rice,
Veggies and dal in a syrup of spice,
Swear somebody's kasam,
Dont give up rice and rasam,
Life amidst chapaties is not so nice...

Idlis and dosas, have their rice content too,
As a South Indian fellow, I am sure you knew,
You might just give up those,
A whiff of chutney up your nose,
And the grinding folks will be grateful to you.....

Boom, Doom, and Grooms....

NRI grooms lose in recession, Indian grooms gain ! But now the demand for NRI*** grooms has fallen by almost 20 per cent and, with the economic slump hitting the private sector badly, people are once again looking out for 'stable' government employees. (Link)



They'd repatriate money and create housing booms
Construct palatial bungalows with several rooms,
Now brides are asking , "Why
Should I marry an NRI*** ? "
The economic downturn and layoffs spell doom...



So devalued has become the NRI label,
Folks look locally, as much as they are able,
Avoid the shaky dollar,
Prefer the Nehru collar,
Guys in govt jobs are preferred as they're stable.....


***NRI : Non Resident Indian

Why it takes long to load this page....

India has been ranked 115th among 223 countries in terms of average internet connection speeds.India ranked 17th globally on another parameter called attack traffic -- a measure of rogue activity on the Internet, such as DNS attacks, bots, spam activity and hackers. (LINK)


With all the IT brouhaha, you'd think we take the lead,
But no, India stands 117th, in the net connection speed.
But it jumps 100 ranks,
In rogue activity pranks,
DNS attacks,BOTs and hackers; is anyone paying heed ??

Buy happiness, Try experience

The old saying goes—money can't buy you happiness. But, as a study finds, spending money on experiences—like a vacation—will bring more happiness than buying material things such as jewelry or clothing. [Link]


Says Madam Marina Krakovsky
A proposition interesting, but risky
For happiness, buy an experience
Indulging in desires and prurience
Happiness matures with time like whisky

Outsourcing grounds

Security shadow forces IPL out of India ....(link)


Thinking that the business model was sound,
The IPL types were amazed at what they found,
On security, government had views,
For matches, they said,"we refuse"....,
Now IPL is outsourcing the cricket ground........



Awash with funds, they can create their own force,
Train them and tackle the problem at the source,
On non game days, give rest,
Or loan to the nation, at best,
And then get the good wishes of everyone , of course...........

Days for water

Brussels sets world record for longest toilet queue : A world record for the length of a toilet queue was set on Sunday when 756 people lined up for a latrine in central Brussels to raise awareness for the need for clean water on World Water Day. (link)




You never know what records people make,
Like a queue-size outside a toilet which was fake,
756 people waiting to get in,
Showing the use of a latrine,
Hygiene education for the third world sake.......




You dont need to teach the use, we say,
My bai gets no water, on World Water Day,
All these causes we espouse,
Some dont even have a house,
Reallocation of funds is needed in Bombay..........

Forgetting Mahatma, Remebering him...

Palestinian Activists Inspited by Bapu [Link]

Mr. Khalid, the leader at Palestine
Follows mahatma, well, that's fine
But others with his surname
Abet violence to seek fame
They forgot him already, that's bad sign!

Vivek

THE QUESTIONABLE EFFECTS OF THE ECONOMIC DOWNTURN

(Many companies have announced pay cuts and retrenchments. Interestingly, some of these companies are rumoured to have made profits in this financial year, not as huge as in the past years maybe, but profits nevertheless.)

The waves of salary are rolling back,
India Shining’s façade is starting to crack,

Some employers are jumping into the fray
To cut throats, despite a profit display,

Not ‘in the red’, they are just being Black.

The 2.5% 'Cut'

In a shocking admission, a Delhi government inspection report has concluded that nearly 90% of electricity meters checked in the national Capital were overcharging, running 2.5% higher than the error margin limit. [Link].

It happens in Delhi, our nation's capital city
Citizens are overcharged, them we pity
On the anvil are elections
The leaders demand actions
Sanity comes with the shock of electricity

Vivek

Desperate throws, desperate verdicts

Slipper thrown in Supreme court, Judge Ducks.... (Link) New Delhi: Four women and a man were sentenced to three months imprisonment on Friday after one of them hurled a slipper at a Supreme Court judge.















You never thought this could happen I bet,
Courts, for revolutionary changes, are set,
From slippers , to defend,
Judges now duck and bend,
Curly wigs now giving way to a helmet........

Delay in scheduling, off comes your shoe,
Dont like the verdict, That is your cue,
Before anyone can budge,
You throw it at the judge,
But wait ! Prison may just be the new place for you.......

Neta ?

Sanjay Dutt's first 'neta' act (Link)

लीडर लोगोंसे मेरा है एक सवाल ,
यू पी के लोगोंका कैसा है ये हाल ,
पहीले मारते है बढ़ाई ,
फिर बढ़ती है मेहेंगाई ,
दिल में बन्दूक, लेकिन सर पे टोपी लाल



लोगों को हत्यारों से से डराया ,
सुना नहीं जो पिता ने सिखाया ,
अभी साइकल पे सवार ,
अमर ने किया तैयार,
ओये संसदभवन ! देख कौन आया !

Currency "reigns" : no drought here..

Karnataka tops notorious states' list. (Link)

Samajwadi Party General Secretary Amar Singh has defended the distribution of money at the Saifai meeting where party supremo Mulayam Singh Yadav was also present. He claimed the money was a Holi gift to Mulayam's extended familyCash for votes : (Link)

Govinda does a Mulayam, distributes money ....(Link)





Andhra,Karnataka, and Tamil Nadu top in votes-for money,
Govinda distributes currency so openly, he's no longer funny,
But Amar Singh so shameless,
Distributes money to the nameless,
There are photos of human bees with the monetary honey

Ethics was not a strong point, power hungry as they can be,
"A Holi gift for my extended families", says Mulayamsinghji,
Your fortunes will flower,
If you elect me to Power,
To become someone, you always have to pay a hefty fee....

kasa kai ?

Gossip : Sharukh Khan in a Marathi Film ! (Link) According to the buzz, Shah Rukh Khan will star in a Marathi film or two in the future. A certain political party wants Marathi cinema to be raised to a much higher level.




I cant believe this, but I think its not a lie,
After this Marathi films will be flying on a high
As a movie you can choose,
King Khan as Marathi Manoos ,
Sharukh Khan as a Gaavkari, Agobai, agobai !

WOMEN'S DAY DILEMMA

(Believing that all women love to shop and that the best way to woo us is through the wallet, various so-called feminine products are offering heavy discounts today. So pick your wallet, or pick-pocket your partner's, and rush to the malls to celebrate your womanhood. Just another example of the great-MARKETING-juggernaut hijacking an ideology and converting it to an idiot-o-logical excuse for a spending spree.)


Ah, the shopaholic joys of a dedicated Women's Day!
So many BRANDS wooing us with discounts and display
But the very sad heart of the matter is
In March's taxing times, our salaries diminish,
Can't we petition to shift the celebrations to May?

Jai Ho - Song of Democracy?

[The Congress(I)has taken the copyright for A R Rahman's Oscar-winner "Jai Ho" for this year's General Elections. Let's see who wins at the Dance of Democracy (as The Times of India describes the polls).]

The Cong (I) has grabbed the "Jai Ho" copyright
In copy-wronged India, it's an idea not-too-bright,
BJP's Modi and CPM's Md Salim
Have already pirated the international hymn
May the neta with the loudest voice win the electoral fight.

Drinking the night away

127 people caught for drunk driving in one night (LINK)


One night with breathanaylzers on the street,
Catching 127 people, was an impressive feat,
If any drunk chaps , driving, you find,
Create "Fear of God" in their mind,
Tie them and throw them on the car's back seat.......

Strife affects wife!

Lead researcher Eden King says that a study has revealed that people, who support diversity programs, have changing attitudes in times of economic strife. The study also suggests that those in hiring positions may be less likely to hire a minority job applicant in an economic downturn, she adds. [Link]



Ms Eden King studied economic strife
And said, "it is really difficult life"
Out goes the diversity
And those of minority
Oh, They sack people with working wife!

Vivek

"Loss" of "Fame" ?

Pak Minister blames India for attack on Sri Lanka Team : (Link)

The recent cricket shootings, the world is just furious
But the minister's statement has me really curious,
And India is being named,
As if Pakistan is "defamed",
"Where's the Fame?" , I ask, they are just "Notorious "

Ticket, please.....

Qasab booked for tarvelling without a ticket : Qasab and his accomplice Mohammed Ismail Khan killed 59 people at CST on November 26, 2008. Qasab was captured while policemen gunned down Khan. Qasab has been booked under various provisions of the Railways Act, one being Section 137 (travelling without ticket), as the duo had not bought platform tickets before stepping onto the platform. (LINK)





Arms, Explosives , Passport Acts , Murder and car theft,
Unlawful Activities Prevention Act was the only one left,
But ticketless on the Platform,
Is against the Railways norm ,
This rule his handlers in their mind should have kept.......




Our Crime branch, about rules is so very strict,
A very capable Public Prosecutor they've picked,
But Rumors keep flying,
The Neighbors keep lying,
And its better they realize that we cannot be tricked......

Quo Vadis?

Terrorist did not take the sea route on 26/11 says Pak Navy Chief [Link]

There was a policeman who investigated twentysix/ eleven
Terrorist came by boat, said his eye witness fishermen
He filed his report
And deposed in the Court
'Those who didn't kill, didn't come by Kuber and Al-Hussain'

Passes and Fails

Report Card on the 14th Lok Sabha : Rampant absenteeism amongst actor MP's (Link)











Soon it will be time to elects new MP's
We certainly dont want any more of these,
Their absence is a fact,
They only put on an act,
These heroes must be brought down to their knees

To stardom and money their time they dedicate
Their time, which could still be spent on debate
Deol,Khanna, Govinda , and Dutt,
None of them should make the cut,
Can the Hemas and Jayas be also shown the gate?

SLUMDOGS CAN’T CHANGE, SAALA

(On the irony of it all)

Slums will be slums, and dogs will continue to bark,
The squalor will be nauseating, and the poverty will be stark,
Of these dregs a celluloid dream was made,
Which generated many a heated tirade,
Poor-reality will not change, although the film has made an Oscar-mark.

Hilary and Obama in Malaysia

Zoo names new lion cubs Obama and Hilary
Zookeepers in Malaysia's southern Johor state have named two new African lion cubs after US President Barack Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton LINK


Two Malaysian lions really need to be feted,
They delivered two cubs and are so elated ,
The new arrivals we hail,
One male and one female,
Their generation, into the next has propagated


The next step for each is to give a nice name'
Has to be powerful and nothing small and tame,
And one called Obama roars,
As Hilary saunters in on all fours,
Washington's OK; but now life will never be the same.....

It's illegal, Dad!

In a fit of anger 'Tandav' my daughter danced
She extacted money, it was 'terror financed'
'Good for nothing, you angry young turk'
I said to her, 'you don't do any work'
Don't you know, she said, child labour is banned!

A MOVIE-ING TWIST TO THE DEVDAS SAGA

(I was bowled over by Anurag Kashyap's Dev-D, almost unanimously critically acclaimed for its cinematic qualities and for a new vision of the self-pitying, drowning-in-drink, unable-to-act tragic lover Devdas.)

Anurag Kashyap’s Dev-D does drown in sorrow,
When he is unable to marry his beloved Paro,

He drinks, he dopes, he goes round the bend,
But there’s a modern, upbeat twist at the end,

Dev goes with Chanda, saying “purani baatein chhoro”.

The 4 crore drive

Rolls Royce Phantom Coupe at 4 crore rupees !
Priced at Rs 4-crore (Rs 40 million) in India, the Coupe can be customised (but not modified) and allows buyers the option of choosing from 44,000 colours. Link










The Rolls Royce Phantom has a model called DropHead,
Just ideal for drivers suffering potholes on the road bed,
Managing ditches and absorbing shocks,
A special horn to honk when traffic locks,
At 4 crores, in the monsoon, I am already seeing red........

Salary Cut: Do you know the reasons?

Do not sack, cut salaries says Pranab [Link]


Mr Pranab Mukherjee Finance Minister said
You can effect a cut in salaries to be paid
Five million are geting sacked
'Unemployed' they will be tagged
'My interim budget will require some foreign aid'

Cheat , and you shall be rewarded

"I am not interested in looking back" :( Mohammed Azharuddin, one of India's most successful captains, fell out of grace when a match-fixing scandal in 1999 scandalised world cricket and abruptly ended his career) Link



In real life, those cheating, always get the sack,
But as a politician, you run with the corrupt pack.
So he thinks there is nothing greater,
Than posing as a Congress Neta,
No wonder he's not interested in looking back.......


Parties with eyes closed, in search of votes,
Helps if you are familiar with valuable "notes",
"Flick" honesty to the ropes,
"Cut" every citizens simple hopes,
What kind of candidates are forced down our throats ?

sins updated....

Men and Women "sin" differently, says the Vatican (Link)

Pride, envy, anger,sloth , greed and lust,
Seven deadly sins, suffer if you must,,
So says the Vatican,
Then warns everyone,
The sin-list has been updated, but only just

Men and women, with various eyes they see,
Ways of sinning are as different as can be,
Although they go to church, I guess
Lesser numbers now confess,
This research is surely a surprise to me ......

The Face Study

A woman's face reveals her persona [Link]

They say of the young Roxana
Her face reveals her persona
An experiment was designed
For personality traits, to find
Mesmerised, they learnt nothing, Ooo na na!

Vivek

Glowing Diabetes.....

Tatoo to monitor diabetes : Scientists are developing a smart tattoo that could tell diabetics when their glucose levels are dangerously low. (Link)

Technology and art combine nicely for you,
Needles poking you will soon be far and few,
Your special tattoo will glow,
When glucose is high or low,
If you are a diabetic, great excitement for you....

Cheers, Doctor Morris !

The [Alzheimer's] risk increases with poorly-managed hypertension, obesity, diabetes, hyperlipedima, heart and cerebrovascular diseases, but has shown a reduction with increased intake of fish, fruits and vegetables. It also reduces with light or moderate intake of alcohol..... [Link]

There is an epidemic of Alzheimer’s in US
Dr Morris says in India it is much less,
The reasons he says on the whole
‘Cause people imbibe liters of alcohol
O Doctor, They have black outs in its place!

Cheers, Vivek

Punish these activists...

Bajrang Dal men, attack brother-sister on Valentines Day in Ujjain. (link)
A group of overzealous Bajrang Dal activists protesting against Valentine's Day celebrations chased a brother and sister and misbehaved with them in Ujjain in Madhya Pradesh


There is a new profession , "The Moral Police",
You simply need to know hitting, there are no fees,
You spy on couples on the sly,
Then hit them as they go by,
There's free publicity there , if you please.....


But people are angry, tempers do burn,
This profession too, is on a downturn,
Would you really be so kind,
Your own business, please mind,
The women do not need your fake concern......

On Valentine’s Day Gifts

(Following in the footsteps of Ugich Konitari's post, SO WHAT'S NEW?)

The Shri Ram Sene wants to be a ‘kebab me haddi’
Which is why some girls will gift them a pink ‘chaddi’,
But maybe a more useful gift-idea is there
We can send them long, striped nada-wala underwear,
Which they can wear while issuing dictats from their ‘gaddi’.

Greatest ever playground game

Hopscotch Voted Greatest Ever Playground Game (link)
Hopscotch, which involves hopping between designated squares on a chalk grid, has been voted as the greatest ever playground game in a new poll. Adults who took part in the survey, conducted by parenting advice service TheBabyWebsite.com, voted hide and seek as the second greatest playground game enjoyed by their children.



Eyes to the screen , keyboard at your hand
These kind of games I really don't understand,
But whats really topnotch,
Is the game of hospscotch,
And hide-and-seek is second, as polled in England

So whats new.....

Every Valentines Day, folks huddle with their dears,
Buying cards,gifts, amidst wild protests and fears,
And the shopfolks just go blank,
Laugh all the way to the bank,
They've never sold so many cards in all these years.......



Sometimes its Ram Sene, sometimes its Shiv,
Their leaders decide all these warnings to give,
So maybe we need to do something new,
Children with roses standing in a queue ,
Teaching the Sena's how to live and let live.....