International Anti-Corruption Day.

54% people in India paid a bribe last year : study

One person in four worldwide paid bribe during the past year while 54 per cent Indians said they greased the palms of authorities to get things done, says a study released on Thursday, Dec 8, 2010, to mark International Anti-Corruption Day.

Folks will always from observing imbibe,
We're cursed with a cheating political tribe'
I guess it wont surprise you,
That barring a set of honest few,
54% of Indians resort to paying a bribe.....

If you wait in line , you are a big fool,
Pay more, and get admission in school,
If something is taking a while,
You grease palms to push a file,
There's always a needy peon sitting out on a stool

Sophisticated types, pay sometimes in kind,
They can read whatever is in the minister's mind,
Jobs for relatives, maybe a house,
A directorship for an ambitious spouse,
But then law works slowly, yet is never blind....

Scams to the left of you, scams to the right,
Every time CBI says the case is really tight,
To call someone honest,
Always appears like a jest,
Simplicity is wrong, and money is never white.....

No Greed or Graft Madam, Only Gifts!

Congress President Sonia Gandhi on Friday stressing on the need for an efficient government to augment managerial capacity to deliver better services to the public, said 'graft and greed', which are on the rise are putting in danger the principles on which independent India was founded.


Her remarks are not out of the blue
Sonia ji said "Observe Indian value."
"That's what we do' said the leaders
Money? No, No!" [But they understand us!]
And gifts are received by all Who's who!

Vivek

No, You can't !

He looked forward to a trip so 'jhakaas',
He arrived in Mumbai unreserved second class,
He'd never been on a train,
Never, from close, seen a plane,
Now windows were closed as he looked thru the glass..

"Don't walk on this road", yelled the cops,
"You cant look around, we're closing the shops,
Don't loiter about,
The Gateway is out,
We've sanitized it all with the brooms and mops.."

"Gandhiji's place for you, is now out of bounds,"
Obama's security is permanently doing the rounds,
Cars will halt with a screech,
And he may even give a speech,
But no locals will be able to hear any sounds...

Do shops close in Washington, when Obama arrives ?
Does his schedule decide the people's daily lives ?
Are children in schools,
Checked with security tools,
And snipers sitting on buildings whenever he drives ?

Is it because he's not looking for any votes here ?
The rules say "close building windows , far and near" ....
He'll wave and he'll smile
But it will take him a while,
To realize that no one has come out of "security" fear


His own plane, his own car, its even his own sky,
For 54 minutes, as they all land, in our Mumbai,
His own US doctor
His own helicopter,
But his food tasters, Indian; can anyone tell me why ?

The Red Herring

Daniela Kayser's team found that when a lady wears red it prompts men to ask her more intimate questions and to sit closer to her. [Link]

Hello, there, you lady in the red
Did you hear what psychologists said?
The men with dubious intentions
Will ask intimate questions
Wear red, you matador, but be prepared....!

Vivek

Businesswomen are born, but businessmen are made!

Biologists are turning their attention to Management. An article in The Economist says they have discovered that 'Businesswomen are born, Businessmen are made.' [Link]

The Biologist, after long research, said
'Businesswomen are born, Businessmen are made!'
They studied the twins
T'was all about genes,
Girls! Get refund of MBA fees, if paid!!

Vivek

Wealth Games

Bridge collapses near CWG main venue, 23 injured (Link)

Public works minister Raj Kumar Chauhan told reporters the bridge, linking the stadium's parking lot to the venue, was meant exclusively for athletes and officials, underlying the lack of attention to facilities tom-tommed as world-class. But later in the day, as fears over safety grew, Delhi chief minister Sheila Dikshit , while visiting the injured at AIIMS, tried to play it down insensitively by saying the overbridge was meant for ordinary spectators.






How does it matter if an overbridge falls ?
For that matter, if ordinary traffic stalls ?
It's the Games, you fool,
And we break every rule,
Forget National Pride, its the Profit that Calls....

Mumbai builds overbridges, for those who must walk,
Folks are so busy crossing, there's no time to gawk,
It seems Imports are better
This came from UK , Leicester,
Hurriedly put up this fortnight, according to the talk.

Hurriedly assembled, applauded, no one checked the pin,
And the stuff collapsed, with a bang and almighty din.
They said "No need to worry,
Hurt folks are ordinary",
Our pockets are bulging, who cares, let he Games Begin.

Simmering Trouble

Shabana Azmi has decided to learn cooking, she says on her sixtieth birthday. [Link]

The beautiful dame Shabana Azmi,
Is sixty [and naughty], says her mummy!
She is learning to cook,
With a Tarla Dalal book,
Why is Javed in tears? Can you tell me?
 
Vivek

In keeping with the Games mess.....

World chess champion Vishwanathan Anand denied honorary doctorate by Delhi Bureaucracy.


They are so good at shutting their eyes,
Ignoring crimes and remain deaf to lies,
Crooked types are praised
Scamsters given a raise,
And decent people are rudely cut down to size




The country's HR ministry has to be blind,
The men who decide cant apply their mind,
Insulting Champions in Chess,
Vishwanathan Anand, no less,
They thought his passport was a non-Indian kind...

Honor his brilliance,and his great dedication,
The International Conference, was a fitting occasion,
But oneupmanship and politics,
Kickbacks and front kicks,
Have made the MHRD, the laughing stock of the nation.

For "some" with European passports, we scrape and we bow,
Useless netas are given fancy doctorates , and how !
But this one they peruse,
I think some screw must be loose
Anands passport is Indian, it doesnt matter what's his "gaon"

Are we honoring his abilities, or the passport he does hold,
Can the govt take decisions, quick, innovative and bold?
Let Universities decide,
let Knowledege be the guide,
Politics plays NO part, and the government must be clearly told.

Democracy in action

The Salary of Indian Members of Parliament (MPs) has been hiked by 300%, by passing a separate Bill . See this


"What will you be when you grow up ?", she asked
He thought ,scratched his head, and blurted at last,
"IT, and Medicine are passe, you see,
The thing to be now is actually an MP,
No work, just sit, shout, run, and a pension after 5 years have passed"

20k, each month, for an office to set up,
Another 20k pm so your constituents shut up,
Rs 1000 "only" per session per day,
8 air trips for the spouse, govt. to pay,
You sit on the backbench at indulge in gupshup....

You fall sick, you get first class medical care,
You don't pay a paisa for anything while there,
All those sick needy folks in line,
Must know I'm getting what's mine
I don't control all those germs in their air.....

For exercise you run to the Parliament floor,
Tear papers, threaten , and walk out through the door,
And of course its well known
You can fling the microphone,
And every few years, crib and shout, "I want more!"

Malai Statin Koftaas

A doctor from Imperial College London whose study was published in the American Journal of Cardiology has proclaimed that people who eat burgers and milkshakes at fast food restaurants should be given free statin drugs (like ketchup packets) to counteract the cholesterol effects of eating burgers.

British Scientists say, serve fast food with a twist,
A serving of statin pills, in case you have missed,
So all you girls and guys
Gorge on the meat and fries,
You will grace the Pharma company's annual honors list

If the West decrees it, how can we be left behind ?
Statin stuffed malai koftaas on your plate you then find,
Statin studded mutton,
and chicken for a glutton,
Crushed statins pizza, mixed with cheese, if you don't mind....

The ill effects of statins just might make you shiver,
The taker must be careful, regardless of who 's the giver,
Hurting muscles and joints,
Are rhabdomyolosis points,
And the first to get messed up will be your precious liver...

Daal bhaat, chapati sabji, is still the meal of choice,
Despite all this research and pharma sponsored noise,
With koshimbir on the side,
Dahi along for the ride,
Will raise a generation of healthy girls and boys....

Ganpati Bappa Morya !

"We can't let gods become share traders:" : Bombay High Court

The Bombay high court on Friday denied gods permission to dabble in the share market.

"Sign here", said the bank, "YOU must be new in the city",
"What proof can YOU present to us of your OWN identity ?"
And HE said, "Ask if you must",
"But just wait till August,"
"Donations in MY name, and the parties fill their kitty..."

"The Lord must hold securities, mutual finds and shares,"
HE will speculate in addition to showing folks that he cares,
So they tried really hard,
And got HIM a PAN card,
And then looked for demat accounts, singly and in pairs....

The Lord on Dalal Street, moved around by an investing man,
Signing on HIS behalf,getting as presumptious as he can,
A bench of judges two,
Said we trust HIM but not you,
Just pray to HIM in temples, and try getting some gyaan....

The judges' ruling is clear, there are no but's and if's,
You really cant pay interest to ONE who HIMself gives,
He doesn't need movable assets
This is as easy as it gets,
It's in our hearts and minds that he actually lives....

Is Aal well ?

This limerick was written as a comment on a wonderful limericked post by Neha, a parody on , what else, politicians.




You hobnob with crooks, bend at the waist,
No time to repent, but you must acquire in haste,
Nothing less than crores,
They sure open doors,
Power corrupts and blinds, and you enjoy the taste....




To the highest bidder yourself you sell,
Everyone else can slowly slide into hell,
4 sons, 5 cars and a plane,
Nothing to lose , So much to gain
And today , Aal is well, aal is well, aal is well.....

A shameful verdict

One Bhopal tragedy happened 25 years ago. Another one happened recently when the court gave its shameful ruling.





IPL lafda ? Must rush and protect your own,
A politician ? You can always default on a loan,
But if Union Carbide
Took you on a tragic ride,
You'll suffer as the law strips you right to the bone..

An abused body and future for 25 long years,
An Alzheimerish government, fanning our fears,
They hope you forget,
And the court is all set,
We continue to suffer and crooks get two years......

Political sports or sporty politics ?

That politics is a sport, and not a vocation,
Is the bitter truth, so clear in this nation,
They duck and they hit,
And steal bit by bit,
And for fun, shout in a parliament session.

The Gill police on Hockey have a grab,
Cricket headships the ministers just nab,
It may surprise you and me,
But Archery is with the BJP,
And athletics is studded with officials with flab..

Escalating Games budgets, always a delay,
More hotel rooms, more roads, they say,
But for those doing sport,
No help of any sort,
Selections and merit are unconnected, by the way....

Players less, but the managing officials are more,
Maybe the system is just rotten to the core,
No medals, no wonder,
A nation subject to plunder,
What remains, the owners themselves steal from the store ?

Priorities ? Woh kya hota hai ? Kya price ?

Does Kochi getting IPL construct more hospitals or a new street ?
Does a lady in Dubai getting 75 crores reduce the Mumbai heat ?
With all the moneyed hype,
Does it repair a burst pipe,
Or catch Fruitsellers who ripen mangoes chemically and cheat ?

RTE has no funds, bullet proof jackets not yet on order,
Infiltration continues non stop from from across the border,
Parliament is obsessed with Tharoor,
Who says m,"I'm a minister, zaroor,
And they hired Sunanda Pushkar as they could afford her"

Development lags, but they say what the leader tells,
Parliament and MP's , cant they discuss anything else ?
Who tweeted, and who called,
Who income tax had hauled,
And who has influence and for how much it sells ?

Depressing expansions

(photo by Kavi Arasu, clicked at the Tank Museum, Ahmednagar)



War brings out the valour , and some folks really shine,
Tanks leading the charge, fighting at the front-line,
"Valentine"'s the type,
But no romantic hype,
It's "Vickers-Armstrong Ltd Elswick & (Newcastle-upon) Tyne"

Love all. Start.

The Sania-Shoaib-Ayesha Circus.



Divorce without marriage, marriage without divorce,
Press interviews conducted with emphasis and force
She's a known unknown
He married her on phone
"Weighty matters" made him deny all that, of course....

'Serv'ing notices, 'lob'bing answers,a comment nicely 'shot',
The two sports folk, got massive publicity and what not,
But the law took its course
And very meekly, in remorse,
He divorced the first one, elders convincing him a lot.

Does our country need this, who he marries, why care?
He calls himself a sportsman, but doesn't know what's fair...
Wish him and Sania goodbye
As they escape to Dubai
A banned cricketer, and a setting tennis star,what a pair!

Brand Ambassadors

While so many problems beset our native land,
Some are busy becoming ambassadors for a "brand ",
Some represent a state,
Even sports, if really great,
Of course money is an issue , we don't understand

So a 5 star welcome from sportsmen on the ground,
Themselves with no benefits, still smiling around,
Cold floors to sleep,
Expenses so steep,
State selectors ensure they don't make a sound

Water with a smell and worms in their lunch,
Travelling in crowded trains, that's my hunch,
They listen to all shout
Yet play their heart out,
Shouldn't they be our ambassadors, this bunch ?

A favour to the samosa ?

Rahul Gandhi relishes a samosa at Amethi roadside joint.....(That is news ?)







So many work lifelong and pay their dues,
Struggle to feed families, and stand in queues,
They have no godmother,
godfather, or godbrother,
And nothing they eat , ever makes news.



But Rahul Gandhi ate by the roadside; rejoice !
Samosas and pakodas, we're sure they were nice
What a favor to the masses,
Through Amethi he passes,
And impresses those who've never had any choice

Watching him wide eyed, sitting on their haunches,
They shuffle in front of politicians with paunches,
Who with ingratiating smiles,
Clever cheating and wiles,
Grab their cut from every scheme the government launches

These so called leaders have no real excuse,
They don't care for people, just their own statues,
A Samosa in hand,
On a podium they stand,
And everything they "eat" just continues to make news.

The Controversial Inaugration!

Mr. Amitabh Bachchan's presence at the Rajiv Gandhi Samudri Setu created a lot of stir in the real as well as virtual world.

MSRDC invited Amitabh Bachchan the great,
For the Bandra Sea Link inauguration by the state,
“The Government is calling,
I shouldn't really be stalling.”
And he drove there so as to not be too late.

He reached the venue, with a smile on his face;
At the very sea link, that changed the Mumbai Pace,
Huge crowds on the ground,
Friends, foes and politicians around,
He wished one and all with his usual grace.

Next day, the congress men started fussing around,
“Calling Big B for the Congress function on what ground?
He supports the NCP,
So what if he is a VIP?
He made us all upset, by making his presence profound.”

All of a sudden, bJP came to Mr. Bachchan’s rescue,
“We will support you, whatever maybe the issue.
Our party is always there,
Why do you have to care?
Let congress Party protest, we will for sure protect you.


####

Now I wonder, does anybody really care?
Do we elect them for our protection or to invite despair?
Besides ambition and greed,
free publicity they need,
We are left regretting and thinking: “Is this fair?”

PS: A special mention to Ugich Konitari for her valuable inputs that helped me to make this piece a Limerick. Thank you.

Desperate statues

Statue wars : Mayawati stops Mulayam from inaugurating a statue.
(LINK)

Accidents happen, people are dead,
"I have no money to grant", she said,
"But let me just tell you,
I'm planning my big statue,
And no, power has not gone to my head"

No one else's statues will now be raised
Old leaders orally can be always praised,
But Mulayam said ,"see here,
I'm garlanding that of Lohia,
And continued to climb the ladder unfazed.


And so the state sent police, who disrupted
The balance of the ladder, and all hell erupted,
An observer shook his head,
Saying Statues honor the dead,
What can you do if the living are so corrupted ?

A welcome note

It feels great to be a part of this blog. Especially when you get a welcome note as a limerick from Vivek; to which I tried to reply in Limerick too. My first ever attempt at it.

It was Neha Thakkar Silam of Mumbai
Said this to her blogger friends, "Hey, Hi
Limericks I will write,
On your blogging site"
They are still waiting for one, sigh! sigh!!
- Vivek

Now that I am on LimerickWala board,
want to write soon, in spite of work load
The genre is new,
The heart says phew,
Still I will try to struck the new chord.
- Neha

Even the Bees came to watch....

When Mayawati was addressing a rally at the Ramabai Ambedkar Maidan, someone set fire to some bushes in a nearby compound of the Kendriya Vidyalaya and that set alight the bees from the beehive. These bees then moved rapidly towards the stage and wandered around the Chief Minister for at least an hour. After which they formed a beehive on top of the stage. Without fear, the CM went ahead with her speech so that the rally doesn't get disrupted. But an inquiry is being conducted to find out who has done this.'

(LINK)



A minister is the lord of all she sees,
Big Big people are brought to their knees,
So its time to say Whoopee ,
Because just recently in UP,
Mayawati was defeated by a swarm of bees





They say Bees have very sharp sight,
They buzz with the Queen Bee, united tight
They thought it was honey,
But it was a garland of money,
Glistening all white in the evening light.

The party cadre gives with affection and love,
I am sure God is watching from somewhere above,
But like someone suggested,
Incometax are now interested,
In politics you must know when enough is enough....

Fear factor

Womens' Reservation Bill will fill Parliament in 11 years with 99% women: Mulayam LINK



He thinks Parliament is like land;
You grab, you usurp, you take a stand;
You perpetuate wrong,
And it doesn't take long,
To mouth platitudes with an attitude bland.

Female takeover of Parliament he fears,
85% lady MP's aggregate in the next 11 years
Sixty years is not so few;
All these years what did you do?
Except keep appointing your near ones and dears...

If you are honest, evaluate their work,
Don't violate Parliament and run beserk,
You don't need to sin
Honest work must win,
Don't want folks who only enjoy the perks....

A Bride Called Pillow

Now the 28-year-old otaku (a Japanese term that roughly translates to somewhere between 'obsessive' and 'nerd') has wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after fitting it out with a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest. Their nuptials were eagerly chronicled by the local media. Link
[Photograph from the same webpage]

A young man Mr Jack L Hyde
His persona had a quirky side
Whether joy or sorrow
He told it all to a pillow
And thought 'why not take her as my bride?'

Vivek

Ma, Why is that man attacking the teacher ?

The Saga of Disruptions : Passing of the Women's Reservation Bill LINK





Evictions 7, disruptions nine,days two,
It wasnt to be easy, we always knew,
But hooligan members,
Fanning casteist embers,
They rushed to the well, as if on cue....




Worse than school bullies, with no shame,
Attacking the Speaker, for 30 minutes of fame
Grabbing papers and mike
Throwing anything they like
And lying down on the floor when the marshals came

In the Rajya Sabha the bill has just passed
The screaming gundas have been outclassed
Now the suspense has ended
They have been suspended,
Now its time to pass it in the Lok sabha fast.....

HOLY WATER

The elders decided this year Holi would be 'DRY',
The children objected and many began to cry...
After 30 minutes of dry gulaal and glum-faced chatter,
Somebody went and blasted on the water,
Water-crisis be damned, people got wet and high on the sly!

The "Twittering" Class

One more time :Tharoor, Clarification, controversy Link

He speaks about cattle and tweets like a bird,
Is always misunderstood for misuse of the word,
Now Saudis are "interlocuter"
He tweets from his computer,
Wasting everyones time on clarifications absurd.

We know he's a writer, it doesnt need to show,
And this is not the UN, he really needs to know,
But he loves to air his views
And thinks he is making news,
A few more twits and they may just ask him to go.....

Save the Tiger ?

Tiger Woods public apology (LINK)


They are so good at creating an event,
And invitations to the press are sent,
The Tiger will mew
And convince a few,
And possibly straighten the rules that he bent.

He'll do various therapies, then some golf he will play,
Hopefully ignoring temptations along the way,
He only just said sorry,
But really he should worry,
What his children will feel when they hear what people say

two fools and a movie

Several state governments mobilize to ensure that the movie , "My name is Khan" is released, without trouble from certain agitating political parties. Police in thousands deployed across Maharsahtra, while in Gujarat, a word from Modi , despire VHP opposition, gets the movie going. (link1)
(link2)




Rising dal prices, really, who cares ?
The Congress and Sena in a game of dares,
Neednt afford a lunch,
Says the shameless bunch,
Just look at Shahrukh wearing his glares....

The State says the movie must run
Food unaffordable, but we must have fun,
Who cares about milk ?
But the Sena and its ilk
Must lose and it must look like we won...

Schools have no water, the paint just peels,
How does it matter what a child feels,
He learns by rote,
And cannot yet vote,
So we will forget all about school midday meals.

Movies must happen, who needs schools,
For fancy actors they will bend all the rules,
I guess they never learn
That they need to govern,
And not appear to all like a bunch of fools.

poorly safe ?

Victorian top cop asks Indians to 'look poor' to avoid attacks in Australia (LINK)

Victorian police chief Simon Overland has advised Indian students in Australia to keep a low profile and "try to look as poor as you can" to avoid attacks, drawing strong condemnation from the community which called his statement "ridiculous".

Thieves are valid, but you are not,
Just hide all the nice things you got,
Says Chief Overland.
But we dont understand,
Why looking poor should help us a lot ?

Avoid late night buses, and do what ? walk ?
And then be mugged, and down with a knock ?
If someplace crime is high
He needs to find out why ,
And cut out all this pointless uselss talk.

Whither awards ?

Sant Singh Chatwal , fundraiser, suspected and investigated for fraud by CBI, and Saif Ali Khan, highly pedigreed, but ordinary actor, and accused of wild life poaching, awarded the Padma awards on Jan 26. One wonders about prerequisites, and if there are any, for selection. LINK


The Padma awards should be the nations pride,
Should be mostly for those who by law abide,
But Sants accused of Fraud,
Still get the final nod,
With the Minister standing firmly by the side...


The Padma awards should be the nations Joy,
Not something that is tweaked like a child's toy,
But some say, what a life !
They've given it to Saif,
Mouthing obscenities in films, has worked for the boy...


We notice some only after the world recognizes,
And gives them awards, citations and prizes,
But you know it wasn't fun,
Godfather ? They never had one...
Just obstructions of all kinds and all sizes...


And so what of those, who do a dedicated slog,
And some who work for each and every underdog,
But I guess its not funny,
These folks have no money,
And all you can do is praise them in your blog....

Public abuse

Ex-PM, Deve Gowda, abuses the Karnataka CM personally on television. (Link)

We hear him loud , we hear him well,
Whether children heard, time will tell,
By his own admission,
B**words on television,
And assorted abuse thrown pel-mell....

Former PM nodding away to sleep,
Eyes open, its difficult to keep,
Calls names and abuses,
To shut up he refuses,
Giving a new meaning to a word called cheap.

In my school such a chap would be sent,
To wash his mouth, and change his intent
A treatment with a cane,
Regardless of the Pain,
And treat him like dirt wherever he went.

Ministers and movies

The Maharashtra Government ministers will watch the latest money grossing Aamir Khan movie "3 Idiots" to see if it has influenced students in the KEM ragging case. Given what is happeneing everyday, how many different movies must the ministers watch ? And when will they govern ? (Link)

Ragging has been going on for years,
Reducing sincere students, to tears,
To avoid events like these
The minister, 3 Idiots" sees,
There will be no action, a parent fears....

Life as in movies OR movies depicting life,
Violence and Corruption at the point of a knife,
Womanizing and molesting
They seem to be testing
The patience of the citizens facing this strife

Lacking implementation , are the laws,
The government blind to all its own flaws,
Indiscipline is in season,
Cinema cant be the only reason,
Have they ever investigated, the actual cause ?

The case of the Veldona Lozenge

Scientists in Australia have developed a lozenge contain very small amounts of Inreferon Alpha, that works against all flus and colds including swine flu. (Link)

The pharmaceuticals are really upset,
Profit margins havent been met,
With the swine and flu,
Coming to a city near you,
Selling vaccine was going to be a sure bet.

Now an Aussie prof simply comes by,
And shows a lozenge you can try,
100% cheaper and new,
Now you dont need Tamiflu,
And the vaccines are left high and dry...