Good Dirt

A little dirt is good for you . (link)
The super obsession with cleanliness in developed countries, is actually not desirable....


In unususal research there has been a spurt,
Scientists are now praising , the benefits of dirt...
Our Immune systems just improve,
With worms and germs on the move,
So says the great Univeristy of Iowa expert

PRESIDENTIAL HAIRSTYLES

(This refers to the report that Prez Obama has been seen attending office without a jacket, following in the footsteps of the sartorially bold JFK, who hardly ever wore a hat to office)

Kennedy was the first US Prez to have an un-hatted top,
The coat-less (in Oval Office) Obama sports a smart crew-crop
For our Indian Presidents, though,
Hairstyle-wise, anything can go,
From Gianiji’s turban to Mme Patil’s bun to Dr Kalam’s wavy silver mop.

Shame.

While fighting terrorists, some deaths are more important than others. So Shashank Shinde of the Mumbai Police who died on 26/11 was awarded a lesser prize than the others who fought the same terrorists at the same time.

Presumably the government has a "quota" for awards.

The government in its wisdom, also completely bypassed the two boxers from Haryana (Sushil Kumar and Vijendra)who got Olympic 2008 Bronzes.

But Aisharway Rai, gets a Padma Shri, for completely unkown reasons. Harbhajan Singh, diito.




Fighting terrorists to death , Inspector Shinde, is not enough
For the country's award, you need connections and stuff,
If you're pretty, shake in movies,, and mostly smile,
They'll give you a Padma Shri award after a while,
And for Olympic Bronze winners, its even more tough.....

Gung hay fat choy ! .....(of course ...:-)

Chinese new year in 2009, falls on January 26. Based on the cycle of the Moon, this is the Year of the OX.......Link "

"Gung hay fat choy" as they say happily in Chinese,
January 26th , is the Chinese new Year, if you please,
And Say "Gong Xi Fa Cai" to each other,
Means "Congratulations, may you prosper,
Lets hope its a year of great progress amidst peace.....

Australia Day Greetings on the Indian Republic Day 2009

January 26, 2009, is celebrated by two countries. India celebrates it as Republic Day, and Australians celebrate it as Australia Day.

Lots of friendship, peace and greetings warm,
Parades and Awards in India is the norm,
We're sure in Australia its the same
While cricket is the name of the game
Both playing on this day would run true to form....

Australia Day Greetings to all our friends in Australia, Liily, Des, June, et al, from Limerickwala.....

The Day of the Donkey....

Mumbai january 25, 2009
Medical camp for donkeys on CST platform no 18 ! There are over 200 donkeys in the city. There is a huge concentration of donkey population in some suburbs of Mumbai like Khar, Malad, Bandra, Vasai and Borivali.These donkeys work at construction sites and are used to carry building materials like gravel and dust. The animals will be given deworming medicines, anti-tetanus vaccination, and their injuries will be dressed .....(link)

They replace trucks and tempos in difficult terrain,
Their efforts at lugging loads have not gone in vain,
The veterinarians are a dedicated breed,
The donkey med camp will surely succeed,
On CST platform no 18, next to a outbound train......

On Dr Singh

Doctors have begun heart bypass surgery on Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh after he was admitted to hospital in Delhi. [Link]

Take it cool, O Matron and Sister
Our workaholic PM, he isn't a Doctor
But just fix the problem
And sing national anthem
And he'll walk out of operation theater

Octopus worries !

Octopuses are being tested with Rubik's cubes in Dorset, England, to find out which, if any, is their favoured hand , say, for eating. Link


Right handed-left handed ? Octopuses will make you think
Juggling around 8 hands, you'll wonder what they had to drink
But they'll get a Rubik's Cube in Dorset,
To find which "solving " hand is their pet,
But the creatures simultaneously move all six planes in a wink !

Get well wishes for the PM

PM undergoes bypass surgery, nation prays ....LINK





Simple straight men in politics have a troubled heart,
They try their best, a clean government to start,
But stress of watching the weak
Lying folks with a crooked streak,
Hurts, and the tension then, just plays its part....

We hope the PM soon recovers and recuperates
We'll see him drive in thru the Parliament Gates,
And he will pass the medical test,
We wish him the very special best,
A huge "Get Well soon " from all the country's states......

OPERATION PM

(Manmohan Singh, India's Prime Minister, will undergo a bypass surgery today. All the best, Dr Singh.) (Link)

Our PM's going to have a repeat bypass operation,
Which'll surely affect the heartbeat of the nation.
It'll take an 8-10 hour surgery
And 6-8 weeks of recovery,
But Dr Singh's hoping, "I wouldn't mind a repeat in the election."

questions, colors and newsanchors

Is Black finally beautiful ? what a presumptious question ! Who are they to decide ?

Is Black finally beautiful? the news anchor asks,
And Obama in his new place,confidently basks...
The news anchor really cant decide,
The colorless, gutless, now need to hide,
Beautiful means getting down to your assigned tasks....

Whats in a name : SHAME

Satyam-eva-jayate, truth always wins,
Shareholders pay for all Satyam sins,
Phukat ka land, phukat ka cash,
Own reputation turned to trash,
So much, that overflowing, are the bins....

Awards to the left, awards to the right,
The IT future was supposed to be bright
Blood was thicker than ethernet,
How murkier would things get,
And now Raju in jail is a curious sight...

The Cover Drive

Former Indian cricketer Mohammad Azharuddin may join the Congress and contest the upcoming Lok Sabha elections. [Link]

Mohammed Azharuddin, the Hyderabadi
Would-be-Congressman, not a Samajwadi
It's politics, they say
The place to make hay
For the Good, Bad and Aatankwadi

watching sickness

Do we need to be desperately watching all this ?

Slumdog Millionaire,or Mansion BeggarCat,
Full of heroes,mafia villains and ladies , all fat,
From Chandni Chowk to China
Ghajini could cut his hair finer
I've got a headache from watching all that .....

The Missing Chair

Raju, the first director-general of the National Investigation Agency (NIA), took charge in North Block, which houses the Union home ministry, where, incidentally, he did not have a designated place from where he will work [Link]




Radha Vinod Raju is an Officer rare
He has a job but no office or chair
He is investigating
It's omission interesting
Ministers hold it, why would they share?

Quick and fast cures

(Recently, spicy Bhel landed Saif Ali Khan in hospital with a stomach infection. He checked out cured, the next day, and flew to France with Kareena. The actual remedy.......)

Saif Ali Khan was feeling terribly unwell,
He was under attack from hot spicy bhel,
So instead of doing upwaas,
He drank beer, full, in a glass,
Saying, Karina is bhel, I'm beer, and we gel.......

Dumb advice

Sanjay Dutt says "Women should not use father's name after marriage"......
link

For a chap who sullied the name of his Dad,
Telling girls about married names, is plain bad,
Though Societies may have a rule,
Namewise you can still be cool,
But hearing from a multi-married is simply sad....

Standing for elections is not really funny,
He may think its all about nothing but money
Emancipate women in your state,
Instead of guns, fund the slate,
And educate families so their future is sunny....

One Letter !

They are separated by just a letter
and that caused one hell of a jitter
President Elect Barack Obama
and good old Al Qaeda's Osama
One a go-getter & the other is in the gutter !



.

The making of a candidate

Sanjay Dutt Makes Political Debut as SP Candidate. Films, money, and court convictions. LINK


You can be a Neta, or additionally , a crook,
For our elections, thats all they decide to look,
Be it a slumdog or a milllionaire,
Money and crime will get you there,
Then after winning a seat, you can write a book...


It doesnt really matter what you actually know,
The art of fooling all has been perfected long ago,
Have processions and wave hands,
To all those paid folks in the stands,
And win , not because your good, but because you have dough....

Raju Deletes Mail !

There are reports that Sh. Ramailinga Raju, deleted all his mail before giving his game up. Interesting !

This Satyam chap deleted all his mail
As simple as clipping an overgrown nail
The minister says he will be booked
'IF', indeed the books were cooked
There just is no wind in the investigation's sail


.

Delayed Choice, Best Choice!

A new study, published in the Journal of Theoretical Biology, has revealed that women who prolong mating courtship and refuse to have sex with a male partner on their first date can end up in making a successful match. [Link]





The study of Researcher Mister Seymour
Has enraged males and caused furore
'In selecting best male, females should wait,
And say No often with face straight'
Oh! Falling in love is now only for paramour!!

"Living" on a Jet plane... you just might be back again....

For jet setters, something new...... (the world's first jumbo jet hostel, an actual jet-plane at Sweden's main airport outside Stockholm which has been converted into a 25-room guesthouse that sleeps as many as 72 people.) LINK


If you ever wanted to live in a hotel in a Jet,
Probably never thought of Sweden, I bet,
At 41 dollars and taxes , a night
The bathroom situation is a bit tight
For 72 folks, 9 bathrooms is what you get......

But you can always do wonderful things
Like get married standing on one of the wings,
Take a wing walk with spouse
As far as its length allows
And in the cockpit , you can exchange rings...

The focus of IT.....today

IT professionals rush to astrologers ...."This only shows utter failure of our educational system in creating scientific temper. If people are going towards astrologers, fengshui consultants, numerologists and vastu consultants, it is because of uncertainty and fear that drives people towards these persons who are able to give them consolation, hope and reassurance,"....(Link)

IT companies are sliding on a down turn
And folks suddenly have less money to burn,
They rush to astrologers to consult,
Looking only for the final result,
And keep forgetting there is so much else to learn....

Drunk on Diamonds

Mexican Scientist makes diamonds from tequila Read this ...

Mexico's AutonomousUniversity that is National,
Has just announced a discovery so sensational,
You now need tequila instead of funds
To hoard up on jewelery in diamonds
I'm so drunk, this whole thing is irrational...

The result hounds

"But, the end is in sight for the classic British bulldog and its famous Churchillian jowl due to a shake-up of the breeding standards by the Kennel Club. Now, the puppies will be taller and leaner with smaller faces, 'The Times' reported." [See Link]

The British are known to preserve
Their old canine gene reserve
They saw the result of breeding
‘Horrible’ They shouted conceding
‘We are getting a dog we deserve’

Introducing Lilly.....

Australia celebrates "Australia Day" on January 26, just like we celebrate Republic Day in India. Since its hot summer in Australia, they celebrate at home with barbecues, among other things. Lilly is our friend from Canberra, who is running a series of posts on Australia, in honor of the approaching Australia Day. This limerick is being posted with her permission. For various clarifications about frogs, automatic doors etc, see her blog.


Liily from Canberra was barbecuing some stuff,
A sudden knitted frog sent her off in a huff
But Australia heard her roars,
When she was stuck in automatic doors,
Folks, this is someone who is real tough!

(Unf)Air India.........wake up....

(AI passenger fined Rs 1200 for misbehaving with women---Midday )

They charge 50 thousand to fly in the air,
Then cant give protection for the sex that is fair,
A drunk passenger molests a neighbour,
Fined just 1200 for the despicable labour
Does Air india, the National Airline really care ?

BARRACKPORE'S CLAIM TO FAME

I come from this small town called Barrackpore,
A sleepy place where residents peacefully snore,
We were thrown into a tizzy,
When people became busy
SMS-ing , “That is Obama’s hometown, for sure!”

Listening to OIL PSU folks .....

So many Oil PSU officer/employee/sympathizer folks commented (on ths limerick posted earlier), with explanations, examples and statistics. We thank you for the clarifications and wish you the best.


Oil PSU officers read limericks , it is clear,
So may of those folks are seen commenting here,
Though the upward revison was due long
Your strike timing was just so wrong,
lets hope it all works out as the elections near

Busiess Opportunity

Laluji travelled from Tokyo to Kyoto in bullet train [See Link]

Lalu, The Minister for Railway
Is business focused, that's his way
On Tokyo-Kyoto Travel
Could not spot any cattle
Said, 'No opportunity here, I say!'

Vivek

Split Citi !

Citigroup Said to Consider Plan to Split in Two. Read the story here !

It would be a pity

To see a split city

The tagline 'The Citi never sleeps'

Am unsure if that tag is for keeps

Far too many slept, as money vamooshed from the kitty !

RAHMANIA

I don't have the link for this, but I don't think we need to click it, anyway. The world and it's mother (here in India, at least) know by now that A R Rahman has become the first Indian to win a Golden Globe award.
A rave:

Rah! Rah! For AR Rahman
He’s done us all proud, man!
He’s got the globe of gold
Zillions of CDs he’s sold
As for the Oscars, maybe he can!

And a rant:

Rahman’s called the Mozart of Madras,
Have you seen the hysterically mad rush
Of ‘stars’ scrambling to congratulate
And the Golden Globe to celebrate,
Why do we need a foreign mirror to show us our own class?

My Gym !

In my apartment, they have this lovely gym
I signed up with misplaced hope and a whim

The place is called Inch by Inch
Am told losing an inch is a pinch

And my losing one half of an inch, stays as dim !


.

Jaane bhi do yaro

Aishwarya may contest elections [see Link]

He failed in politics, it's a fact
Jaya tried her hand, made no impact
In cute daughter in law's career
Politics? A wrong step, my dear!
Good looks win only in a filmi act

Vivek

The Google and Tea Connection

Two search requests on the internet website Google produce "as much carbon dioxide as boiling a kettle", according to a Harvard University academic.-BBC




When you Google for something and do a search or two,
It teaches something about Global Warming to you,
Its the same as boiling a kettle electric,
7 gms of carbon dioxide escaping real quick,
"So just shutdown and drink wine" could work for a few....

Too much, too little ?

Austerity? Rs 65,000 a month on taxi rental, hotel bills, airline tickets... ask ONGC Indian Express 12/1/09



Extravagant oilmen everywhere, and not a drop to spare,
Oil Ministry runs up 65,000 a month in taxi fare,
But their aim is a lakh,
I am sure they'll be back,
Before elections they'll strike again without care.......

The Oil PSU strike aftermath

(Long queues have been forming outside petrol stations across India as more than 50,000 state-oil workers strike for more pay.)


For the striking Oil Officers , a lakh was too small,
They struck work and managed everything to stall,
Petrol Diesel just dried up,
Empty CNG cylinders lined up,
But the Home Minister refused to listen at all.

He used Divide and Rule, the old British trick,
The striking officers got a deserving kick,
But I looked for transport in vain,
And Walked 6 miles to the train,
Now my feet are killing me and I'm sick.....

What a choice !

(Manyata can be SP's candidate if Dutt fails to contest polls- PTI link)
(and to hell with anyone's qualifications.......)


To fight elections needs no qualification,
Instead of you, your wife can, as a modification,
Dont bother with any rules,
And then listen to some fools,
Who simply bring a bad name to our nation.....

Pappu Limerick !

Limerick jointly penned by Vivek Patwardhan & Kavi !

The Good of Small Things

(Bihar finds mosquito repellent in elephant dung ---ibnlive.in.com)

At the confluence of the Ganga and Gandak, they have an elephant fair,
And create the sort of mosquitto repellant, you wont get anywhere,
And while no praises are sung,
When elephants create the dung,
When you burn it, it ecologically kills mosquitos in the air...........

Beautiful visual pollution

(Chinese told not to wear pyjamas in public-------ibnlive.in.com)




When they write the history of clothes and their evolution,
Read a chapter on the effect of the Chinese anti-revolution
Pajamas in public banned in Shanghai,
The edict comes from Someone up high,
Guo Xilin, a local official called pyjamas "visual pollution".

Smart crimes and stupid honesty

(Samajwadi Party to field Actor Sanjay Dutt as a candidate for Parliament, in the forthcoming elections.)



Really smart types actually send themselves to jail,
Do some really terrible crime, if that it does entail,
For you'll be up for selection,
In the next general election,
And if you are honest , you will definitely fail.....

Two More on the Poor Man

Oh dear! Chairman Raju's pranks!!
Among fraudsters the first he ranks
A rupee he did not take
By means foul or fake
'Cause he stashed his bank with francs!

Chairman Raju made a confession
Of showing money sans possession
He informed the SEBI
Then slept like a baby
Now the Regulators are carrying the tension!

Satyam is now Jhootha......

(Ramalinga Raju, obsessively bought land, created a real estate industry (in his children's name , called Maytas (inverse of Satyam) where he proposed to show those crores as payment to buy Maytas), but his shareholders shouted, and he now faces the music......)



Those unaccounted crores, needed to change hands,
So Mr Raju of Satyam went on a spree buying lands
"Inverted" himself to call his children, names,
Forced his auditors into play illegal games,
He's forced to now watch as his empire disbands.....

Winter comes to Mumbai :-)

(Mumbai , for a change has been cold, late evenings. Enjoy)

Abnormal winter in Mumbai, Kashmir has snow,
Bus rides are getting cold and windy, I know.....
But roasted corn with lemon and spice
At the roadside, late evening, is ever so nice,
As you watch the friendly watchmen's bonfire glow......

The Satyam Saga !

Satyam : 'The IT company', is almost on a hearse

Satyam : 'Truth', is on a trail thats even worse

For 10 years Accounts were cooked

for now, the chairman is booked

All this started with 'Maytas'. Satyam spelt in reverse !

Post Lunch Thoughts

Lunch was supposed to be a quick small bite

But, the laid out food proved a great sight

Rice(s), Bread(s), Roti(s) and the idly

'Watch Calorie' thoughts were piddly

The weight loss battle was lost without a fight !!

Then what happened .....गाडीतले कोलेस्ट्रोल

(Doctor drives car on human fat : further chapters)


अमेरिकेत साथ आहे ,माणसं होत आहेत जाडी ,
ऑपरेशनात मेद काढून, डॉक्टर चालवतात गाड़ी ,

पण गाडीत आहे ज़रा गड़बड़ ,
आता लोक करू लागले बडबड ,

कारण पोटातले कोलेस्ट्रोल सारखे गाड़ी बंद पाडी

The Fat Fuel

A BEVERLY Hills cosmetic surgeon is boosting his green credentials by running his car on biofuel ... made from his patients' fat, sucked out by liposuction. [Link]

The Police in US of A smelt a rat

Now Dr Bittner is put on the mat

He used lipo-suction

And made his cars function

Converting fuel out of patients' fat!

Traffic Woe

830 AM traffic is an every office goer's common foe

With roads dug up and signboards shouting 'go slow'

There isn't an inch for any by far

Smoke envelopes everyone at par

There is just no flow & am thinking 'Go - No - Go?' !!

The poet arrived

Blow the trumpets, the cymbals clash,
On to the website, he's made a dash,
Being a poet by name,
He also feels the same,
And he's "limericked" here in a flash

My First Post !

To this blog LimerickWala, i make my entry
Before they think of banning me with a sentry
Its better late than never
And being banned forever
Sans music, sans fanfare and sans pageantry !

Different colored glasses

A politician flying up in the sky,
Looked down on a part of Mumbai,
He said , "I bet all my money"
I can see Hiranandani,
But no potholes, even if I try......

Sit according to your personality

Where you sit in a bus is decided by your personality. The latest research in psychology says so!

A psychologist bus traveller Doctor Knowit
Said forward-thinking-girls take front seat
He spotted there a beauty
And took a little liberty
Cried 'Exceptions prove rule' before she hit!

Vivek

Hairy tales

(Valtcho D. Zheljazkov, at the Mississippi State University, recently published some amazing stuff about hair in a journal called Horttechnology.)

There are these scientists at Missisippi State,
Who've just discovered something really great,
You throw hair in the field
To increase the lettuce yield,
I just had salad, but am not sure what I ate !

Innovation gone sore

See the [Link]

It's Micrsoft again, Oh my dear!
Their Zune MP3 failed, that's clear,
'You have misled' they said,
As their customers wailed,
'Innovation is what we most fear'!

Vivek

जनम दिन ?

जनम दिन मनाने में यूपी वालोंको है गति ,
अजब तरह दिखाते प्यार मुख्य मंत्री के प्रति ,

दे दो पचास लाख
नही तो हो जाओ बेचिराख

जय भ्रष्टाचार ! जय उनकी मायावती !

All in the family....

(Reports say President Zardari of Pakistan plans to appoint his father as President while he takes over as PM himself....)

Of being president, Zardari is bored.
"Papa , you take over" , he implored,
We'll make fools of them
When I take over as PM,
There is so much more stuff to hoard !

Crowding the Disaster Cell

"The Maharashtra Chief Minister has appointed 66 eminent people to the Disaster Action Cell..."......(Indian Express, Jan 2, 2009).....







The CM knows his maths you can tell,
66 folks crowding the Disaster Cell,
They will minute each meeting,
And just fight over the seating,
And the public can just go to Hell.....

An alternative to Kites

In Iraq we fly Kites, running, yes, we do;
Sometimes, we also try and throw a shoe
But folks have no vision
They put us in prison,
Since our Targets are all the "Who's Who"

Editor's view

From Mumbai came five bloggers bright
Wrote two limericks sitting overnight
Their Editor read those,
Wrote comments in plain prose
"Spend your time better flying kite"