Quo Vadis?

Terrorist did not take the sea route on 26/11 says Pak Navy Chief [Link]

There was a policeman who investigated twentysix/ eleven
Terrorist came by boat, said his eye witness fishermen
He filed his report
And deposed in the Court
'Those who didn't kill, didn't come by Kuber and Al-Hussain'

Passes and Fails

Report Card on the 14th Lok Sabha : Rampant absenteeism amongst actor MP's (Link)











Soon it will be time to elects new MP's
We certainly dont want any more of these,
Their absence is a fact,
They only put on an act,
These heroes must be brought down to their knees

To stardom and money their time they dedicate
Their time, which could still be spent on debate
Deol,Khanna, Govinda , and Dutt,
None of them should make the cut,
Can the Hemas and Jayas be also shown the gate?

SLUMDOGS CAN’T CHANGE, SAALA

(On the irony of it all)

Slums will be slums, and dogs will continue to bark,
The squalor will be nauseating, and the poverty will be stark,
Of these dregs a celluloid dream was made,
Which generated many a heated tirade,
Poor-reality will not change, although the film has made an Oscar-mark.

Hilary and Obama in Malaysia

Zoo names new lion cubs Obama and Hilary
Zookeepers in Malaysia's southern Johor state have named two new African lion cubs after US President Barack Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton LINK


Two Malaysian lions really need to be feted,
They delivered two cubs and are so elated ,
The new arrivals we hail,
One male and one female,
Their generation, into the next has propagated


The next step for each is to give a nice name'
Has to be powerful and nothing small and tame,
And one called Obama roars,
As Hilary saunters in on all fours,
Washington's OK; but now life will never be the same.....

It's illegal, Dad!

In a fit of anger 'Tandav' my daughter danced
She extacted money, it was 'terror financed'
'Good for nothing, you angry young turk'
I said to her, 'you don't do any work'
Don't you know, she said, child labour is banned!

A MOVIE-ING TWIST TO THE DEVDAS SAGA

(I was bowled over by Anurag Kashyap's Dev-D, almost unanimously critically acclaimed for its cinematic qualities and for a new vision of the self-pitying, drowning-in-drink, unable-to-act tragic lover Devdas.)

Anurag Kashyap’s Dev-D does drown in sorrow,
When he is unable to marry his beloved Paro,

He drinks, he dopes, he goes round the bend,
But there’s a modern, upbeat twist at the end,

Dev goes with Chanda, saying “purani baatein chhoro”.

The 4 crore drive

Rolls Royce Phantom Coupe at 4 crore rupees !
Priced at Rs 4-crore (Rs 40 million) in India, the Coupe can be customised (but not modified) and allows buyers the option of choosing from 44,000 colours. Link










The Rolls Royce Phantom has a model called DropHead,
Just ideal for drivers suffering potholes on the road bed,
Managing ditches and absorbing shocks,
A special horn to honk when traffic locks,
At 4 crores, in the monsoon, I am already seeing red........

Salary Cut: Do you know the reasons?

Do not sack, cut salaries says Pranab [Link]


Mr Pranab Mukherjee Finance Minister said
You can effect a cut in salaries to be paid
Five million are geting sacked
'Unemployed' they will be tagged
'My interim budget will require some foreign aid'

Cheat , and you shall be rewarded

"I am not interested in looking back" :( Mohammed Azharuddin, one of India's most successful captains, fell out of grace when a match-fixing scandal in 1999 scandalised world cricket and abruptly ended his career) Link



In real life, those cheating, always get the sack,
But as a politician, you run with the corrupt pack.
So he thinks there is nothing greater,
Than posing as a Congress Neta,
No wonder he's not interested in looking back.......


Parties with eyes closed, in search of votes,
Helps if you are familiar with valuable "notes",
"Flick" honesty to the ropes,
"Cut" every citizens simple hopes,
What kind of candidates are forced down our throats ?

sins updated....

Men and Women "sin" differently, says the Vatican (Link)

Pride, envy, anger,sloth , greed and lust,
Seven deadly sins, suffer if you must,,
So says the Vatican,
Then warns everyone,
The sin-list has been updated, but only just

Men and women, with various eyes they see,
Ways of sinning are as different as can be,
Although they go to church, I guess
Lesser numbers now confess,
This research is surely a surprise to me ......

The Face Study

A woman's face reveals her persona [Link]

They say of the young Roxana
Her face reveals her persona
An experiment was designed
For personality traits, to find
Mesmerised, they learnt nothing, Ooo na na!

Vivek

Glowing Diabetes.....

Tatoo to monitor diabetes : Scientists are developing a smart tattoo that could tell diabetics when their glucose levels are dangerously low. (Link)

Technology and art combine nicely for you,
Needles poking you will soon be far and few,
Your special tattoo will glow,
When glucose is high or low,
If you are a diabetic, great excitement for you....

Cheers, Doctor Morris !

The [Alzheimer's] risk increases with poorly-managed hypertension, obesity, diabetes, hyperlipedima, heart and cerebrovascular diseases, but has shown a reduction with increased intake of fish, fruits and vegetables. It also reduces with light or moderate intake of alcohol..... [Link]

There is an epidemic of Alzheimer’s in US
Dr Morris says in India it is much less,
The reasons he says on the whole
‘Cause people imbibe liters of alcohol
O Doctor, They have black outs in its place!

Cheers, Vivek

Punish these activists...

Bajrang Dal men, attack brother-sister on Valentines Day in Ujjain. (link)
A group of overzealous Bajrang Dal activists protesting against Valentine's Day celebrations chased a brother and sister and misbehaved with them in Ujjain in Madhya Pradesh


There is a new profession , "The Moral Police",
You simply need to know hitting, there are no fees,
You spy on couples on the sly,
Then hit them as they go by,
There's free publicity there , if you please.....


But people are angry, tempers do burn,
This profession too, is on a downturn,
Would you really be so kind,
Your own business, please mind,
The women do not need your fake concern......

On Valentine’s Day Gifts

(Following in the footsteps of Ugich Konitari's post, SO WHAT'S NEW?)

The Shri Ram Sene wants to be a ‘kebab me haddi’
Which is why some girls will gift them a pink ‘chaddi’,
But maybe a more useful gift-idea is there
We can send them long, striped nada-wala underwear,
Which they can wear while issuing dictats from their ‘gaddi’.

Greatest ever playground game

Hopscotch Voted Greatest Ever Playground Game (link)
Hopscotch, which involves hopping between designated squares on a chalk grid, has been voted as the greatest ever playground game in a new poll. Adults who took part in the survey, conducted by parenting advice service TheBabyWebsite.com, voted hide and seek as the second greatest playground game enjoyed by their children.



Eyes to the screen , keyboard at your hand
These kind of games I really don't understand,
But whats really topnotch,
Is the game of hospscotch,
And hide-and-seek is second, as polled in England

So whats new.....

Every Valentines Day, folks huddle with their dears,
Buying cards,gifts, amidst wild protests and fears,
And the shopfolks just go blank,
Laugh all the way to the bank,
They've never sold so many cards in all these years.......



Sometimes its Ram Sene, sometimes its Shiv,
Their leaders decide all these warnings to give,
So maybe we need to do something new,
Children with roses standing in a queue ,
Teaching the Sena's how to live and let live.....

Specially shameless

Raju's to get special status in prison : The district magistrate allowed them special treatment in prison. The trio would get a cell with an attached toilet, cot, pillows but would have to share the cell. The special status enables them to buy their own food from outside. They would also be provided utensils for preparing food if they want to. (Link)



Steal a bike and you can get thrown in jail,
Embezzle crores, and still you'll never fail,
Money talks, giving a status to you,
A three seater with cots and a loo,
They made an application, thereby hangs a tale......

The magistrate read it, and then thought for a while,
Smiled at the Raju's and did a noting on the file,
So the others get worms and leaky taps,
Any complaints are answered by slaps,
And suffer indignities, while the Rajus just smile........

Sale! Sale!

43 players go under hammer at the Indian Premier League's second season Players' Auction in Panaji on Friday, February 6th, 2009.. (link)



Recession is in, all the funds are running dry,
But cricketers are bought , for a price so high,
But should they decide to leave it to me,
I would wait for buy-one-get-one-free,
With Ponting you get Symmonds free, Just try !

Successful Identification of the Bovine Kind

Cow brought to Goa Court for Identification Parade...(Link)



Everyone's going to court these days, and how!
Goa's courts were honored with a visit from a cow,
While taking her to the slaughter,
Some were caught; things got hotter,
She's deposing and doing an identification parade now

Cooking without Fire

While the country is often witnessing a short supply of LPG, the Indian oil corporation is combating it in a unique way. It is now encouraging people to cook without fire. [Link]

The Green Brigade Chief Miss Nayar
Made a kitchen sans pipe, stove and wire
The recipes were sought
And right methods taught
Now her kitchen is available on hire

THE HERO CHANGETH

The posters for the interestingly-titled "Billu Barber" are out. Though I'm no Shahrukh Khan fan, the title (which refers to the brilliant and talented Irrfan Khan) made me think:

The Bollywood hero has widened his scope
Not just lover/avenger, he's given us hope,
Always a charmer
Now he's a barber
What's next? Plumber, presswallah or Pope?

It is also about means

"Their method was wrong. I apologise for that. It should not have happened. But it was done to save our daughters and mothers from an alien culture," a defiant Muthalik said. [Link]

Some young Indian girls got beaten till blue
They allegedly violated some 'traditional value'
Said Ram Sene Chief
In his apology brief
'Didn't know the right method, we did not have a clue'

Footwear Fears

After Bush, shoe-cide attack on Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao....(link)


Missile, bombs, and pellets to induce tears,
Shoes are at the top of world leaders' fears,
Thrown with a real good aim,
You can "duck" as in a game,
Then check out the size*** after confusion clears.....


***Bush says it was a size 10 (link)

In praise of Federer

Nadal beat Federer at the Australian Open. It happens. This limerick inspired by some writing Federer off .... (link)





Nadal has now become a household name,
Some think Federer has forgotten his game,
They put him in the dock
Saying , he has a mental block,
For his loss they have that to blame.....

But even machines stutter, and Federer is on a break,
Greatly advised for his mind and body's sake,
He will be back with a bounce,
Rafael Nadal he will trounce,
6-2,6-3,3-6, 6-1,6-1, the match he will take .......

bathroom politics ?

Chawla's Loo Breaks Led to Congress Phone Calls : CEC (link)


The Nirvachan Sadan **** has an imposing structure,
The 3 man commission has just faced a fracture.
One commissioner would visit the loo,
To pass on news to the Who's Who
Its bathrooms are being locked up at this juncture.....


**** Election Commission Office

Inspired by Teeth...

Inspired by this blog and this story, get a new understanding of dentists......


Injections, digging, the gums are being drilled,
The pain is so bad, I am certainly not thrilled,
I didnt know those canals had roots,
The teeth and dentist must be in cahoots,
I'll know how much, maybe only when I am billed......


London has Bridges, it also has a Crown,
Why have it in my mouth ? I think and frown...
But Lord Krishna did "Aaaaa...",
And showed the Universe from afar
And Ma Yashoda's jaw just fell and stayed down.......

Inspired by shoulders

When lifting a bag feels like its a boulder,
The pain comes actually from a frozen shoulder...
Exercises are a good bet,
I havent started mine yet,
I guess these are just signs of growing older ......