LimerickWala

Rummy Excuses

2012-01-06T16:02:00.001+05:30

Oh this blog looks pretty glum

Missing the regular hum

Of friends sharing their minds

You ask me why i don't share mine?

Well, it has been fattened on cakes containing plum.

Does my excuse sound really rum?
Well i do have to give you some
Don't want to admit to a total lack
Of ideas for fear of flack
But the fact remains: No ideas come

Fast Insult

2011-09-19T23:03:00.000+05:30

We read history but never learn from the past,
We continue to play politics of votes,money and caste
The Mahatma we don't follow,
Our declarations are so hollow,
We've made a mockery of the reason Gandhiji did a fast

He did it always to atone for violence of body and mind,
He was respected so much, The British some rules would rescind,
Maun, prayer and fasting,
The result was long lasting,
No shamianas, no blaring PA system, and no speeches of any kind

Our rulers are so crooked, now little of that ethos endures,
You commit whatever sins you want and fasts are now the cures,
Parties call each other names,
Strive to come in camera frames,
And it is then all about proving "My fast is better than yours"....

Shameless, Pointless....

2011-09-07T20:22:00.002+05:30

They are here, the ordinary citizens "to serve",
To say that, with pious faces, they have the nerve,
Then to show us who's the boss,
They acquire a z-plus police posse,
And all 'service" goes for a toss, as I observe...

No terror investigations, have resulted in arrests,
The ones caught, then treated as State Prison Guests
Its almost like a spoof,
Ordering jackets bullet proof,
And the vendor is decided without meaningful tests.

Who cares about the injured? your "statement" is supreme,
In the glare of TV lights, you visit hospitals with the team,
A patient's path blocked; never mind,
Think of the visuals you leave behind,
In such times, your "concern" should be judged as extreme ...

Our representatives, give lectures and adjourn for the day,
To avoid embarrassing questions, in Parliament ,some say,
In the face of this legislative "shirk"
Lawyers,judges, all get back to work,
The work must continue, no blasts can come in their way...

It seems intelligence was received by police in July,
Why were those suspects not monitored since then, why ?
Then sudden progress in a single day,
Exponentially reducing out day by day,
Lots of talk, no arrests, and the common man can just die ?

shameless

2011-09-04T10:08:00.001+05:30

You need to be super smart to manipulate zeros,
Overinvoicing and sharing spoils, makes you heroes,
Those hungry can just shout,
Because you've got the clout,
And you fiddle with their lives and money like Neroes.

Women in villages, get burnt for showing resistance,
No security there, but for you, Z-plus on insistence,
There are schools, but no teacher,
I wonder what kind of creature,
Like you,charges money for transfers,with much persistence

Poverty stricken crorepaties, exhibiting an odd old car,
But the public pays for petrol, so it takes them so far,
Its not at all to your credit
The nation's treasury you debit,
And smile at each other saying,"Aisa hota hai, yaar"!

With false populist promises you acquire their farm,
Selling it for profit to builders becomes your kaam,
What isn't so very funny
Is the color of acquired money
For "Daney daney par likha hota hai 'khane' wale ka naam"

Poor Ministers Declare Wealth

2011-09-03T22:44:00.001+05:30

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and his cabinet ministers on Saturday declared their assets which were posted online, officials said. [Link]

There was a Minister who declared his wealth
People said his work was just full of stealth
He said he owned an old car
And a house just next to bazar
The swiss banker remained silent with whom he dealt!

Vivek

THE ANNUAL MONSOON PASS-THE-BUCK GAME

2011-08-29T17:01:00.004+05:30

Rain, rain don't go away,

Mumbai doesn't mind either way,

Everybody still comes to work and play.

Even though it rains night and day.

Stuck in puddles, caught in muddles

The BMC blames the tide

The road contractors choose to hide

Let the ministers decide

Who is the culprit? What's his name?

Monsoon depression? High tide? Amavas? Who will win this blame-game?

No Title, No sense, No solution

2011-08-26T22:53:00.003+05:30

The confusion around me in making me giddy
It seems that these days it is useless to study
The "choice" job you see,
Is to actually be an MP.
Where people love to pay you for being their "buddy"

Bank balances from thousands bloom into crores,
Its boom time for you and those you call yours,
You get a huge commission
for clearing a permission,
And those who don't pay are just shown the doors

You wonder what I am trying to say, wait, don't frown,
Corruption, always is learnt , from the top, down,
That's why they are so fussy
On not including lower bureaucracy,
Bribe is not just a verb, but a very massive noun.

Concept of Parliament is supreme, not those inside,
So many gutless elected folks, with so much to hide
Quoting procedure to save face,
Not one of them has any grace,
And not one has ventured to Ramlila to the old man's side....

Badam-Pista Iftaars,the ruling party folks getting bolder,
Keep fibbing to the fasting man, now 11 days and older..
Party spokesman should shut up
The common man is fed up,
The 74 year old Shravan Bal, carries now, the country on his shoulder....

Of an Old Man and Politicians

2011-08-17T00:33:00.002+05:30

There was an old man who was frail
But did lots to boost national morale
He wanted to root out corruption
That didn't go down with the politicians
So they did what they could - sent him to jail

Just as the daylight began to pale
They thought to get him out of the jail
But the old man refused
Leaving the politicians bemused
He let the wind out of their sails

I think he prefers to stay in jail
Rather than come out on bail
For he has national sympathy
And international empathy
I hope this saga ends well

Memory Gain - Sequel!

2011-08-15T21:54:00.000+05:30

This is Satchi's sequel to my post 'Memory Gain.' It is so well written that I have copied and pasted it as a post so that it can be seen by all.

So Dolly asked rather coyly
Can you tell me who is this Molly?
How dare you flirt around
When to me you are legally bound
And indulge in behaviour unholy?

She knocked him hard on his head
For many days he was laid up in bed
'Twas a good thing that she did do
For when he eventually came to
He finally remembered whom he had wed

-Satchi

Memory Gain

2011-08-15T20:50:00.000+05:30

See The BPS Research Digest which reports a recent study The conclusion "Overall, these results suggest that individuals can gain a memory advantage from a ten-minute walk before studying," the researchers said. "Given [these] positive results ... and [their] potentially important practical applications, we hope that researchers will continue to explore the relationship between walking, memory, and meta-memory."

There was an old man from New Delhi
Who forgot his wife's name, 'twas 'Dolly'
They asked him to walk briskly
To recall the name instantly
He did and whispered 'Oh, My darling Molly!'

Vivek

2011-07-14T10:59:00.009+05:30

Friends, I am really sad to hear of the bomb blasts that have once again rocked Mumbai, the city of my birth - the city where my grand-parents, mama and family lived. Though very unfortunate, I thought a little black humour might lighten up the spirit. I would like to clarify that I have no intentions of hurting anyone's feelings or making a mockery of an unfortunate event and do hope that it will be taken in the right spirit.

There was a city named Bombay
And was known that way for many a day
To Mumbai they changed its name
Though the city was pretty much the same
They felt it was better the Marathi way

Sadly terrorists bombed it
The Mumbaites were badly hit
But they went on with life
No matter how much strife
I salute the Marathi manoos' spirit

I only have a question today

Shall I put it down here if I may?

Given the nature of the happenings

And so many bombings

Why not revert to "Bomb Bay"?

Why Old Men Can't Paint

2011-07-04T16:53:00.000+05:30

An old man decided to paint a portrait
Inviting a beauty to model and sit straight
She sat there smiling cheeks pink with blush
He did't know what to do with palette and brush
'Cause things happen to old men a little too late!

Honeymooner's reply

2011-07-04T15:58:00.000+05:30

This is an extension [or response] by Satchitananda, a co-author of this blog, to my limerick 'Second Honeymoon.' It is originally posted as a 'comment' but it is so good that I have copied and pasted it here.

Ani jhalya gappa goshti suru
Jorjorat va halu halu
They cursed that horrible khadoos
Said "amchya bhangadeet nako padoos"
And to each other said "Aata aapan ithoon paloo".

Good one Vivek.

Thanks Satchi.

Of Old Women and their Foibles

2011-07-03T12:16:00.001+05:30

There was an old woman who loved "scrabble"
It was better than hearing herself babble
So she signed up for a game
No two games were the same
She enjoyed in new words to dabble.

There was a woman who was older
That she was a mother-in-law made her a lot bolder
She threw her weight around
And everyone round her finger she wound
But her daughter-in-law gave her a cold shoulder

There was a woman so proud
She lived with her head in a cloud
She ate jam and honey
And had so much of money
That of satin and gold they made her a shroud

Second Honeymoon

2011-06-22T21:05:00.002+05:30

A sixty year marathi manoos went to Kulu
Accompanied by his darling wife called Sulu
He decided to play it safe,
As [he thought] she was going deaf,
People said "Honeymooners, Speak halu halu"

Vivek

Should I fast ?

2011-06-13T14:28:00.004+05:30

I wonder if I should go on a fast,
Giving interviews to all who passed,
I'll camp by the roadside,
Expose everyone who lied,
About the condition of our roads, at last.....

Soil being washed away by first rain,
Big Dips in the road, causing all much pain,
Water hides it all,
And people just fall,
The contractors are the only ones who gain.

Ditches being dug in the name of progress,
Then left uncleared to increase the mess,
Various pipes in a maze,
My eyes are in a daze,
I just slipped into one ditch, I guess.....

More crushed stone, more blocking trucks,
The Municipal repair system just sucks,
There are all in collusion,
For repeated road erosion,
Its all about power, profits and big bucks....

Cars race through water, as careless as can be,
splashing dirt on the face of a protesting "me",
The cop barely looks,
He must fill up his books,
I am not as "profitable" as the helmetless folks, you see.

They'll send in a bulldozer to destroy my tent,
I really wonder where all the politicians went ,
Get me out of the floor
They'll then dig some more,
Something somewhere just filled the pocket of a gent.....

Years have gone by, months have passed,
I observe and continue to look aghast,
Isn't it so strange,
Nothing has yet changed,
World goes faster/fastest, but i must fast !

The Poor Man

2011-06-13T10:43:00.000+05:30

There was a young man from Bombay
Whose job took him daily to Trombay
He was exposed to so much radiation
That he developed a strange nervous affliction
So from his job he was sent away

The poor guy did not get his pay
And had to starve for many a day
His wife too had left him
On the strength of a mere whim
I really don't know what to say

2011-06-11T11:59:00.001+05:30

The Lazy Old Woman

2011-06-11T11:57:00.001+05:30

There was an old woman so lazy
She drove everyone utterly crazy
She loved to just lie
And kept heaving many a sigh
She ate so much her mind was completely hazy

This old woman complained of pain
People tried to get her to work, but in vain
She had backache and headache
Neckache and tummyache
Till they all concluded what she had was brain sprain

They sent the old woman to Connecticut
But there she had to live in a hut
For she had no money
It certainly was not funny
When everyone took her for a nut

So she thought she'd get off her butt
And herself some slack she'd cut
She married an old man
Who looked utterly wan
She thought she'd get out of the rut

One day her family her spied
As false tears she shed and she cried
She was plush with piles of money
And had all her fingers in honey
For recently her rich husband had died

Now the family forgave her
And oh did the old woman purr
Now she had a luxurious home
With enough money to roam
But they'd not get any of it she made clear

Punyachi Por

2011-06-10T23:49:00.000+05:30

I come from the city of Pune
Jethe mhane kahi nahi une
But now I live in Bangalore
Though ever a Punekar to the core
Sutat nahi kadhihi bandhan june

Me aahe Punyachi por
Jithoon aale pushkal mothe thor
Of Pune I am proud
And I'll say that clear and loud
I miss you dear Pune very sore

And Swati Replies

2011-06-10T23:38:00.000+05:30

So she wrote a few lines in her joy
Was she really delighted, oh boy!
She penned a few lines
Taking care to see it rhymes
And asked "ata bola, he kasa kai"?

Welcome Swati

2011-06-10T21:40:00.002+05:30

Swati Aiyer, avid blogger, said Hello Suranga

About limericks you write, I am all ga ga

She joined Limerickwala

The blog a bit niraalaa

And said ‘Mee kaay lihite te baghaa!’

Vivek

Faster in Jail

2011-04-10T17:43:00.004+05:30

Pappu Yadav, MP , accused in 15 criminal cases, and convicted for the murder of one, and serving a life term, went on a fast in Beoor Jail ,"claiming to be in support of Anna Hazare". One wonders , if goonda politicians like Pappu, have changed overnight, or whether they now have one more trick up their sleeves. And one also wonders why the mainstream media reports this avidly.

A simple man energizes the nation,
Fasts and the govt issues a proclamation,
So many supportive voices
The middle class rejoices,
Civil society now invited for participation

But there's a trickle down effect in Beoor Jail,
With 15 criminal cases,one conviction, and no bail,
Pappu Yadav does a fast,
Found a solution at last,
Such gestures from a crooked clever MP never fail....

Somewhere the media seems to have a screw loose
It gives him importance by reporting this news,
With jantar mantar here,
The contrast is so clear,
And the jail head participates by giving Pappu juice.....

Is a fast just about no food, and number of days ?
Isn't it the quality of the person, and what he says ?
When the corrupt Pappu fasts,
Ignore him while it lasts,
Or he might think , it not just works, but even pays...

So stay tuned for those who will now fast to win,
Employing supporters to come and make a din,
Special doctors will come
And start looking glum,
Pappus will wink, and say let the tamasha begin....

Legislative Langurs

2011-01-03T11:20:00.003+05:30

Monkeys Unite MP's: Langurs appointed (Link)
It’s a cause that seems to have united Members of Parliament across party lines on Mahadev Road.

The Speaker of the Lok Sabha tried her level best,
All Party meetings, lunches , dinners, and the rest,
But the Mps were hell bent,
They simply wouldnt relent,
And refused to change their demand at anyones behest.

Sometimes the solution lies in folks lower down
The evolution tree, they're OK, so don't frown ;
There's no action required,
So you just dont get tired,
And so easy will lie the Head that wears the crown.

The MP's of Delhi, so far just had flunkeys,
They now have to face the wrath of the monkeys,
Their houses they enter,
On Food their eyes center,
And clothes, and water tanks, as far as one sees,

Across party lines they decided to unite,
Against Simian terrorists the defense was tight
To avoid a further raid
From their pockets they paid,
L-plus Langur security , was an amazing sight...

Monkeys dodging langurs, walking with those men,
The Ministry grants them iD's with a flourish of a pen,
Real quick and tidy,
For them , no UID,
Each deadly look from a langur, must frighten monkeys ten,

Ma'am Speaker, you've searched for solutions near and far,
Tough Legislative Langurs are now the need of the hour,
An upheld Langur Haath,
will stop running Mp's in their path,
And peace will reign again on the Parliamentary floor..

International Anti-Corruption Day.

2010-12-09T22:52:00.004+05:30

54% people in India paid a bribe last year : study

One person in four worldwide paid bribe during the past year while 54 per cent Indians said they greased the palms of authorities to get things done, says a study released on Thursday, Dec 8, 2010, to mark International Anti-Corruption Day.

Folks will always from observing imbibe,
We're cursed with a cheating political tribe'
I guess it wont surprise you,
That barring a set of honest few,
54% of Indians resort to paying a bribe.....

If you wait in line , you are a big fool,
Pay more, and get admission in school,
If something is taking a while,
You grease palms to push a file,
There's always a needy peon sitting out on a stool

Sophisticated types, pay sometimes in kind,
They can read whatever is in the minister's mind,
Jobs for relatives, maybe a house,
A directorship for an ambitious spouse,
But then law works slowly, yet is never blind....

Scams to the left of you, scams to the right,
Every time CBI says the case is really tight,
To call someone honest,
Always appears like a jest,
Simplicity is wrong, and money is never white.....

No Greed or Graft Madam, Only Gifts!

2010-11-19T22:25:00.001+05:30

Congress President Sonia Gandhi on Friday stressing on the need for an efficient government to augment managerial capacity to deliver better services to the public, said 'graft and greed', which are on the rise are putting in danger the principles on which independent India was founded.

Her remarks are not out of the blue
Sonia ji said "Observe Indian value."
"That's what we do' said the leaders
Money? No, No!" [But they understand us!]
And gifts are received by all Who's who!

Vivek

No, You can't !

2010-11-05T10:41:00.006+05:30

He looked forward to a trip so 'jhakaas',
He arrived in Mumbai unreserved second class,
He'd never been on a train,
Never, from close, seen a plane,
Now windows were closed as he looked thru the glass..

"Don't walk on this road", yelled the cops,
"You cant look around, we're closing the shops,
Don't loiter about,
The Gateway is out,
We've sanitized it all with the brooms and mops.."

"Gandhiji's place for you, is now out of bounds,"
Obama's security is permanently doing the rounds,
Cars will halt with a screech,
And he may even give a speech,
But no locals will be able to hear any sounds...

Do shops close in Washington, when Obama arrives ?
Does his schedule decide the people's daily lives ?
Are children in schools,
Checked with security tools,
And snipers sitting on buildings whenever he drives ?

Is it because he's not looking for any votes here ?
The rules say "close building windows , far and near" ....
He'll wave and he'll smile
But it will take him a while,
To realize that no one has come out of "security" fear

His own plane, his own car, its even his own sky,
For 54 minutes, as they all land, in our Mumbai,
His own US doctor
His own helicopter,
But his food tasters, Indian; can anyone tell me why ?

The Red Herring

2010-10-17T14:58:00.001+05:30

Daniela Kayser's team found that when a lady wears red it prompts men to ask her more intimate questions and to sit closer to her. [Link]

Hello, there, you lady in the red
Did you hear what psychologists said?
The men with dubious intentions
Will ask intimate questions
Wear red, you matador, but be prepared....!

Vivek

Businesswomen are born, but businessmen are made!

2010-09-26T13:57:00.000+05:30

Biologists are turning their attention to Management. An article in The Economist says they have discovered that 'Businesswomen are born, Businessmen are made.' [Link]

The Biologist, after long research, said
'Businesswomen are born, Businessmen are made!'
They studied the twins
T'was all about genes,
Girls! Get refund of MBA fees, if paid!!

Vivek

Wealth Games

2010-09-22T10:19:00.005+05:30

Bridge collapses near CWG main venue, 23 injured (Link)

Public works minister Raj Kumar Chauhan told reporters the bridge, linking the stadium's parking lot to the venue, was meant exclusively for athletes and officials, underlying the lack of attention to facilities tom-tommed as world-class. But later in the day, as fears over safety grew, Delhi chief minister Sheila Dikshit , while visiting the injured at AIIMS, tried to play it down insensitively by saying the overbridge was meant for ordinary spectators.

How does it matter if an overbridge falls ?
For that matter, if ordinary traffic stalls ?
It's the Games, you fool,
And we break every rule,
Forget National Pride, its the Profit that Calls....

Mumbai builds overbridges, for those who must walk,
Folks are so busy crossing, there's no time to gawk,
It seems Imports are better
This came from UK , Leicester,
Hurriedly put up this fortnight, according to the talk.

Hurriedly assembled, applauded, no one checked the pin,
And the stuff collapsed, with a bang and almighty din.
They said "No need to worry,
Hurt folks are ordinary",
Our pockets are bulging, who cares, let he Games Begin.

Simmering Trouble

2010-09-18T14:48:00.000+05:30

Shabana Azmi has decided to learn cooking, she says on her sixtieth birthday. [Link]

The beautiful dame Shabana Azmi,
Is sixty [and naughty], says her mummy!
She is learning to cook,
With a Tarla Dalal book,
Why is Javed in tears? Can you tell me?

Vivek

In keeping with the Games mess.....

2010-08-26T17:37:00.003+05:30

World chess champion Vishwanathan Anand denied honorary doctorate by Delhi Bureaucracy.

They are so good at shutting their eyes,
Ignoring crimes and remain deaf to lies,
Crooked types are praised
Scamsters given a raise,
And decent people are rudely cut down to size

The country's HR ministry has to be blind,
The men who decide cant apply their mind,
Insulting Champions in Chess,
Vishwanathan Anand, no less,
They thought his passport was a non-Indian kind...

Honor his brilliance,and his great dedication,
The International Conference, was a fitting occasion,
But oneupmanship and politics,
Kickbacks and front kicks,
Have made the MHRD, the laughing stock of the nation.

For "some" with European passports, we scrape and we bow,
Useless netas are given fancy doctorates , and how !
But this one they peruse,
I think some screw must be loose
Anands passport is Indian, it doesnt matter what's his "gaon"

Are we honoring his abilities, or the passport he does hold,
Can the govt take decisions, quick, innovative and bold?
Let Universities decide,
let Knowledege be the guide,
Politics plays NO part, and the government must be clearly told.

Democracy in action

2010-08-20T23:29:00.004+05:30

The Salary of Indian Members of Parliament (MPs) has been hiked by 300%, by passing a separate Bill . See this

"What will you be when you grow up ?", she asked
He thought ,scratched his head, and blurted at last,
"IT, and Medicine are passe, you see,
The thing to be now is actually an MP,
No work, just sit, shout, run, and a pension after 5 years have passed"

20k, each month, for an office to set up,
Another 20k pm so your constituents shut up,
Rs 1000 "only" per session per day,
8 air trips for the spouse, govt. to pay,
You sit on the backbench at indulge in gupshup....

You fall sick, you get first class medical care,
You don't pay a paisa for anything while there,
All those sick needy folks in line,
Must know I'm getting what's mine
I don't control all those germs in their air.....

For exercise you run to the Parliament floor,
Tear papers, threaten , and walk out through the door,
And of course its well known
You can fling the microphone,
And every few years, crib and shout, "I want more!"

Malai Statin Koftaas

2010-08-14T11:08:00.005+05:30

A doctor from Imperial College London whose study was published in the American Journal of Cardiology has proclaimed that people who eat burgers and milkshakes at fast food restaurants should be given free statin drugs (like ketchup packets) to counteract the cholesterol effects of eating burgers.

British Scientists say, serve fast food with a twist,
A serving of statin pills, in case you have missed,
So all you girls and guys
Gorge on the meat and fries,
You will grace the Pharma company's annual honors list

If the West decrees it, how can we be left behind ?
Statin stuffed malai koftaas on your plate you then find,
Statin studded mutton,
and chicken for a glutton,
Crushed statins pizza, mixed with cheese, if you don't mind....

The ill effects of statins just might make you shiver,
The taker must be careful, regardless of who 's the giver,
Hurting muscles and joints,
Are rhabdomyolosis points,
And the first to get messed up will be your precious liver...

Daal bhaat, chapati sabji, is still the meal of choice,
Despite all this research and pharma sponsored noise,
With koshimbir on the side,
Dahi along for the ride,
Will raise a generation of healthy girls and boys....

Ganpati Bappa Morya !

2010-07-17T11:06:00.006+05:30

"We can't let gods become share traders:" : Bombay High Court

The Bombay high court on Friday denied gods permission to dabble in the share market.

"Sign here", said the bank, "YOU must be new in the city",
"What proof can YOU present to us of your OWN identity ?"
And HE said, "Ask if you must",
"But just wait till August,"
"Donations in MY name, and the parties fill their kitty..."

"The Lord must hold securities, mutual finds and shares,"
HE will speculate in addition to showing folks that he cares,
So they tried really hard,
And got HIM a PAN card,
And then looked for demat accounts, singly and in pairs....

The Lord on Dalal Street, moved around by an investing man,
Signing on HIS behalf,getting as presumptious as he can,
A bench of judges two,
Said we trust HIM but not you,
Just pray to HIM in temples, and try getting some gyaan....

The judges' ruling is clear, there are no but's and if's,
You really cant pay interest to ONE who HIMself gives,
He doesn't need movable assets
This is as easy as it gets,
It's in our hearts and minds that he actually lives....

Is Aal well ?

2010-06-29T08:56:00.006+05:30

This limerick was written as a comment on a wonderful limericked post by Neha, a parody on , what else, politicians.

You hobnob with crooks, bend at the waist,
No time to repent, but you must acquire in haste,
Nothing less than crores,
They sure open doors,
Power corrupts and blinds, and you enjoy the taste....

To the highest bidder yourself you sell,
Everyone else can slowly slide into hell,
4 sons, 5 cars and a plane,
Nothing to lose , So much to gain
And today , Aal is well, aal is well, aal is well.....

A shameful verdict

2010-06-09T10:01:00.005+05:30

One Bhopal tragedy happened 25 years ago. Another one happened recently when the court gave its shameful ruling.

IPL lafda ? Must rush and protect your own,
A politician ? You can always default on a loan,
But if Union Carbide
Took you on a tragic ride,
You'll suffer as the law strips you right to the bone..

An abused body and future for 25 long years,
An Alzheimerish government, fanning our fears,
They hope you forget,
And the court is all set,
We continue to suffer and crooks get two years......

Political sports or sporty politics ?

2010-04-27T09:44:00.004+05:30

That politics is a sport, and not a vocation,
Is the bitter truth, so clear in this nation,
They duck and they hit,
And steal bit by bit,
And for fun, shout in a parliament session.

The Gill police on Hockey have a grab,
Cricket headships the ministers just nab,
It may surprise you and me,
But Archery is with the BJP,
And athletics is studded with officials with flab..

Escalating Games budgets, always a delay,
More hotel rooms, more roads, they say,
But for those doing sport,
No help of any sort,
Selections and merit are unconnected, by the way....

Players less, but the managing officials are more,
Maybe the system is just rotten to the core,
No medals, no wonder,
A nation subject to plunder,
What remains, the owners themselves steal from the store ?

Priorities ? Woh kya hota hai ? Kya price ?

2010-04-16T17:20:00.005+05:30

Does Kochi getting IPL construct more hospitals or a new street ?
Does a lady in Dubai getting 75 crores reduce the Mumbai heat ?
With all the moneyed hype,
Does it repair a burst pipe,
Or catch Fruitsellers who ripen mangoes chemically and cheat ?

RTE has no funds, bullet proof jackets not yet on order,
Infiltration continues non stop from from across the border,
Parliament is obsessed with Tharoor,
Who says m,"I'm a minister, zaroor,
And they hired Sunanda Pushkar as they could afford her"

Development lags, but they say what the leader tells,
Parliament and MP's , cant they discuss anything else ?
Who tweeted, and who called,
Who income tax had hauled,
And who has influence and for how much it sells ?

Depressing expansions

2010-04-13T08:49:00.005+05:30

(photo by Kavi Arasu, clicked at the Tank Museum, Ahmednagar)

War brings out the valour , and some folks really shine,
Tanks leading the charge, fighting at the front-line,
"Valentine"'s the type,
But no romantic hype,
It's "Vickers-Armstrong Ltd Elswick & (Newcastle-upon) Tyne"

Love all. Start.

2010-04-10T11:43:00.003+05:30

The Sania-Shoaib-Ayesha Circus.

Divorce without marriage, marriage without divorce,
Press interviews conducted with emphasis and force
She's a known unknown
He married her on phone
"Weighty matters" made him deny all that, of course....

'Serv'ing notices, 'lob'bing answers,a comment nicely 'shot',
The two sports folk, got massive publicity and what not,
But the law took its course
And very meekly, in remorse,
He divorced the first one, elders convincing him a lot.

Does our country need this, who he marries, why care?
He calls himself a sportsman, but doesn't know what's fair...
Wish him and Sania goodbye
As they escape to Dubai
A banned cricketer, and a setting tennis star,what a pair!

Brand Ambassadors

2010-03-31T12:03:00.004+05:30

While so many problems beset our native land,
Some are busy becoming ambassadors for a "brand ",
Some represent a state,
Even sports, if really great,
Of course money is an issue , we don't understand

So a 5 star welcome from sportsmen on the ground,
Themselves with no benefits, still smiling around,
Cold floors to sleep,
Expenses so steep,
State selectors ensure they don't make a sound

Water with a smell and worms in their lunch,
Travelling in crowded trains, that's my hunch,
They listen to all shout
Yet play their heart out,
Shouldn't they be our ambassadors, this bunch ?

A favour to the samosa ?

2010-03-28T14:43:00.006+05:30

Rahul Gandhi relishes a samosa at Amethi roadside joint.....(That is news ?)

So many work lifelong and pay their dues,
Struggle to feed families, and stand in queues,
They have no godmother,
godfather, or godbrother,
And nothing they eat , ever makes news.

But Rahul Gandhi ate by the roadside; rejoice !
Samosas and pakodas, we're sure they were nice
What a favor to the masses,
Through Amethi he passes,
And impresses those who've never had any choice

Watching him wide eyed, sitting on their haunches,
They shuffle in front of politicians with paunches,
Who with ingratiating smiles,
Clever cheating and wiles,
Grab their cut from every scheme the government launches

These so called leaders have no real excuse,
They don't care for people, just their own statues,
A Samosa in hand,
On a podium they stand,
And everything they "eat" just continues to make news.

The Controversial Inaugration!

2010-03-26T00:10:00.001+05:30

Mr. Amitabh Bachchan's presence at the Rajiv Gandhi Samudri Setu created a lot of stir in the real as well as virtual world.

MSRDC invited Amitabh Bachchan the great,
For the Bandra Sea Link inauguration by the state,
“The Government is calling,
I shouldn't really be stalling.”
And he drove there so as to not be too late.

He reached the venue, with a smile on his face;
At the very sea link, that changed the Mumbai Pace,
Huge crowds on the ground,
Friends, foes and politicians around,
He wished one and all with his usual grace.

Next day, the congress men started fussing around,
“Calling Big B for the Congress function on what ground?
He supports the NCP,
So what if he is a VIP?
He made us all upset, by making his presence profound.”

All of a sudden, bJP came to Mr. Bachchan’s rescue,
“We will support you, whatever maybe the issue.
Our party is always there,
Why do you have to care?
Let congress Party protest, we will for sure protect you.

####

Now I wonder, does anybody really care?
Do we elect them for our protection or to invite despair?
Besides ambition and greed,
free publicity they need,
We are left regretting and thinking: “Is this fair?”

PS: A special mention to Ugich Konitari for her valuable inputs that helped me to make this piece a Limerick. Thank you.

Desperate statues

2010-03-23T17:20:00.002+05:30

Statue wars : Mayawati stops Mulayam from inaugurating a statue.
(LINK)

Accidents happen, people are dead,
"I have no money to grant", she said,
"But let me just tell you,
I'm planning my big statue,
And no, power has not gone to my head"

No one else's statues will now be raised
Old leaders orally can be always praised,
But Mulayam said ,"see here,
I'm garlanding that of Lohia,
And continued to climb the ladder unfazed.

And so the state sent police, who disrupted
The balance of the ladder, and all hell erupted,
An observer shook his head,
Saying Statues honor the dead,
What can you do if the living are so corrupted ?

A welcome note

2010-03-18T23:03:00.002+05:30

It feels great to be a part of this blog. Especially when you get a welcome note as a limerick from Vivek; to which I tried to reply in Limerick too. My first ever attempt at it.

It was Neha Thakkar Silam of Mumbai
Said this to her blogger friends, "Hey, Hi
Limericks I will write,
On your blogging site"
They are still waiting for one, sigh! sigh!!
- Vivek

Now that I am on LimerickWala board,
want to write soon, in spite of work load
The genre is new,
The heart says phew,
Still I will try to struck the new chord.
- Neha

Even the Bees came to watch....

2010-03-18T22:18:00.006+05:30

When Mayawati was addressing a rally at the Ramabai Ambedkar Maidan, someone set fire to some bushes in a nearby compound of the Kendriya Vidyalaya and that set alight the bees from the beehive. These bees then moved rapidly towards the stage and wandered around the Chief Minister for at least an hour. After which they formed a beehive on top of the stage. Without fear, the CM went ahead with her speech so that the rally doesn't get disrupted. But an inquiry is being conducted to find out who has done this.'

(LINK)

A minister is the lord of all she sees,
Big Big people are brought to their knees,
So its time to say Whoopee ,
Because just recently in UP,
Mayawati was defeated by a swarm of bees

They say Bees have very sharp sight,
They buzz with the Queen Bee, united tight
They thought it was honey,
But it was a garland of money,
Glistening all white in the evening light.

The party cadre gives with affection and love,
I am sure God is watching from somewhere above,
But like someone suggested,
Incometax are now interested,
In politics you must know when enough is enough....

Fear factor

2010-03-14T19:08:00.004+05:30

Womens' Reservation Bill will fill Parliament in 11 years with 99% women: Mulayam LINK

He thinks Parliament is like land;
You grab, you usurp, you take a stand;
You perpetuate wrong,
And it doesn't take long,
To mouth platitudes with an attitude bland.

Female takeover of Parliament he fears,
85% lady MP's aggregate in the next 11 years
Sixty years is not so few;
All these years what did you do?
Except keep appointing your near ones and dears...

If you are honest, evaluate their work,
Don't violate Parliament and run beserk,
You don't need to sin
Honest work must win,
Don't want folks who only enjoy the perks....

A Bride Called Pillow

2010-03-12T13:32:00.000+05:30

Now the 28-year-old otaku (a Japanese term that roughly translates to somewhere between 'obsessive' and 'nerd') has wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after fitting it out with a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest. Their nuptials were eagerly chronicled by the local media. Link
[Photograph from the same webpage]

A young man Mr Jack L Hyde
His persona had a quirky side
Whether joy or sorrow
He told it all to a pillow
And thought 'why not take her as my bride?'

Vivek

Ma, Why is that man attacking the teacher ?

2010-03-09T22:57:00.004+05:30

The Saga of Disruptions : Passing of the Women's Reservation Bill LINK

Evictions 7, disruptions nine,days two,
It wasnt to be easy, we always knew,
But hooligan members,
Fanning casteist embers,
They rushed to the well, as if on cue....

Worse than school bullies, with no shame,
Attacking the Speaker, for 30 minutes of fame
Grabbing papers and mike
Throwing anything they like
And lying down on the floor when the marshals came

In the Rajya Sabha the bill has just passed
The screaming gundas have been outclassed
Now the suspense has ended
They have been suspended,
Now its time to pass it in the Lok sabha fast.....

HOLY WATER

2010-03-02T13:06:00.003+05:30

The elders decided this year Holi would be 'DRY',
The children objected and many began to cry...
After 30 minutes of dry gulaal and glum-faced chatter,
Somebody went and blasted on the water,
Water-crisis be damned, people got wet and high on the sly!

The "Twittering" Class

2010-02-28T22:44:00.004+05:30

One more time :Tharoor, Clarification, controversy Link

He speaks about cattle and tweets like a bird,
Is always misunderstood for misuse of the word,
Now Saudis are "interlocuter"
He tweets from his computer,
Wasting everyones time on clarifications absurd.

We know he's a writer, it doesnt need to show,
And this is not the UN, he really needs to know,
But he loves to air his views
And thinks he is making news,
A few more twits and they may just ask him to go.....

Save the Tiger ?

2010-02-23T15:28:00.003+05:30

Tiger Woods public apology (LINK)

They are so good at creating an event,
And invitations to the press are sent,
The Tiger will mew
And convince a few,
And possibly straighten the rules that he bent.

He'll do various therapies, then some golf he will play,
Hopefully ignoring temptations along the way,
He only just said sorry,
But really he should worry,
What his children will feel when they hear what people say

two fools and a movie

2010-02-13T08:58:00.005+05:30

Several state governments mobilize to ensure that the movie , "My name is Khan" is released, without trouble from certain agitating political parties. Police in thousands deployed across Maharsahtra, while in Gujarat, a word from Modi , despire VHP opposition, gets the movie going. (link1)
(link2)

Rising dal prices, really, who cares ?
The Congress and Sena in a game of dares,
Neednt afford a lunch,
Says the shameless bunch,
Just look at Shahrukh wearing his glares....

The State says the movie must run
Food unaffordable, but we must have fun,
Who cares about milk ?
But the Sena and its ilk
Must lose and it must look like we won...

Schools have no water, the paint just peels,
How does it matter what a child feels,
He learns by rote,
And cannot yet vote,
So we will forget all about school midday meals.

Movies must happen, who needs schools,
For fancy actors they will bend all the rules,
I guess they never learn
That they need to govern,
And not appear to all like a bunch of fools.

poorly safe ?

2010-02-07T16:39:00.002+05:30

Victorian top cop asks Indians to 'look poor' to avoid attacks in Australia (LINK)

Victorian police chief Simon Overland has advised Indian students in Australia to keep a low profile and "try to look as poor as you can" to avoid attacks, drawing strong condemnation from the community which called his statement "ridiculous".

Thieves are valid, but you are not,
Just hide all the nice things you got,
Says Chief Overland.
But we dont understand,
Why looking poor should help us a lot ?

Avoid late night buses, and do what ? walk ?
And then be mugged, and down with a knock ?
If someplace crime is high
He needs to find out why ,
And cut out all this pointless uselss talk.

Whither awards ?

2010-01-30T18:02:00.004+05:30

Sant Singh Chatwal , fundraiser, suspected and investigated for fraud by CBI, and Saif Ali Khan, highly pedigreed, but ordinary actor, and accused of wild life poaching, awarded the Padma awards on Jan 26. One wonders about prerequisites, and if there are any, for selection. LINK

The Padma awards should be the nations pride,
Should be mostly for those who by law abide,
But Sants accused of Fraud,
Still get the final nod,
With the Minister standing firmly by the side...

The Padma awards should be the nations Joy,
Not something that is tweaked like a child's toy,
But some say, what a life !
They've given it to Saif,
Mouthing obscenities in films, has worked for the boy...

We notice some only after the world recognizes,
And gives them awards, citations and prizes,
But you know it wasn't fun,
Godfather ? They never had one...
Just obstructions of all kinds and all sizes...

And so what of those, who do a dedicated slog,
And some who work for each and every underdog,
But I guess its not funny,
These folks have no money,
And all you can do is praise them in your blog....

Public abuse

2010-01-11T12:46:00.003+05:30

Ex-PM, Deve Gowda, abuses the Karnataka CM personally on television. (Link)

We hear him loud , we hear him well,
Whether children heard, time will tell,
By his own admission,
B**words on television,
And assorted abuse thrown pel-mell....

Former PM nodding away to sleep,
Eyes open, its difficult to keep,
Calls names and abuses,
To shut up he refuses,
Giving a new meaning to a word called cheap.

In my school such a chap would be sent,
To wash his mouth, and change his intent
A treatment with a cane,
Regardless of the Pain,
And treat him like dirt wherever he went.

Ministers and movies

2010-01-06T17:33:00.003+05:30

The Maharashtra Government ministers will watch the latest money grossing Aamir Khan movie "3 Idiots" to see if it has influenced students in the KEM ragging case. Given what is happeneing everyday, how many different movies must the ministers watch ? And when will they govern ? (Link)

Ragging has been going on for years,
Reducing sincere students, to tears,
To avoid events like these
The minister, 3 Idiots" sees,
There will be no action, a parent fears....

Life as in movies OR movies depicting life,
Violence and Corruption at the point of a knife,
Womanizing and molesting
They seem to be testing
The patience of the citizens facing this strife

Lacking implementation , are the laws,
The government blind to all its own flaws,
Indiscipline is in season,
Cinema cant be the only reason,
Have they ever investigated, the actual cause ?

The case of the Veldona Lozenge

2010-01-04T10:28:00.005+05:30

Scientists in Australia have developed a lozenge contain very small amounts of Inreferon Alpha, that works against all flus and colds including swine flu. (Link)

The pharmaceuticals are really upset,
Profit margins havent been met,
With the swine and flu,
Coming to a city near you,
Selling vaccine was going to be a sure bet.

Now an Aussie prof simply comes by,
And shows a lozenge you can try,
100% cheaper and new,
Now you dont need Tamiflu,
And the vaccines are left high and dry...

The Governor's bodyguards!

2009-12-28T01:53:00.004+05:30

A day after resigning as Andhra Pradesh governor in the wake of a sex scandal he was allegedly involved in, N D Tiwari quietly left Hyderabad on Sunday......The 86-year-old leader had resigned Saturday citing health reasons. The resignation came a day after a Telugu television channel showed pictures of a man purported to be Tiwari in a compromising position with three women. [Link]

The Governor ND Tiwari was over eighty

Allegedly had a weakness for girls pretty

Oh! More trouble is brewing

And Press is now showing

His bodyguards were girls of twenty!

Vivek

The Sound of Earworm

2009-12-22T20:11:00.003+05:30

Earworms are those songs that get lodged in your cranium, playing over and over and over. There's been surprisingly little published research on the phenomenon, although that hasn't stopped popular science writers like Oliver Sacks from speculating about it. There's an 'expert' in the form of Professor James Kellaris at the University of Cincinnati, but his investigations all appear to be unpublished. That hasn't stopped Kellaris' university from hosting a website devoted to earworms. And there's also an online earworm exhibition at San Francisco's Exploratorium. [Link]

A scientist James Kellaris invented a term

My humming song he called an 'Earworm'

Imagine someone who hums

A song when earworm squirms!

Zoologist are you, James? Let's confirm!

Vivek

Faster methods

2009-12-18T17:24:00.003+05:30

Demands for smaller states across the country. Leaders adopt "fasts unto death". (LINK)

Bundelkhand, Harit Pradesh and Purvanchal from Uttar Pradesh
A state each for Garos and Khasis from Meghalaya
Gorkhaland from West Bengal
Bodoland from Assam
Coorg in Karnataka
Vidarbha in Maharashtra
Saurashtra in Gujarat
Mithilanchal in Bihar
Mahakosala in Orissa
Ladakh & Jammu in J&K

Want your own kingdom ? Just undertake a fast,
The threats have always worked in the past,
Have guys run helter skelter,
Aided by maybe a stone pelter,
Burn some buses and maybe have a blast....

Leaders in ICCUs, oxygen at the nose,
Thinking what a great victory over all the foes,
With Z seciurity cover,
And the Doctors hover,
They sleep as outside others come to blows...

Yet what of the farmer, troubled by the rain,
Sometimes none, and then a flood yet again,
Its another interminable wait,
Nothing achieved by a new state,
The ordinary man just carries on with the pain.....

Cathedral statues replace shoes as weapons

2009-12-16T23:22:00.004+05:30

Italian Premier hit by a statue of the Milan Cathedral . Now in hospital with a broken nose, broken teeth and cut lips. LINK

First the fashion was throwing shoes,
Then the definition turned a bit loose,
Now statues are the latest,
For impact they're the greatest,
From where to hurl, you can always choose

A cathedral statue is real dense,
As a weapon it makes good sense,
The Italin PM sure has foes,
They threw and broke his nose,
Captured nicely on a telephoto lense....

The Dirty Truth About Health

2009-12-10T23:59:00.003+05:30

It's said that cleanliness is next to godliness -- but super-clean parenting can put kids at risk of developing heart disease, a new study has revealed. Researchers have carried out the study and found that assiduous attention to cleanliness depresses a developing immune system, which can lead to cardiovascular problems in kids later in life. [Link]

There was a beauty from Adelaid

Who never saw her Doctor, she said

"You're healthy and pretty

'Cause you are so dirty"

Says the research of Thomas McDade!

Vivek

Error message

2009-11-23T09:06:00.003+05:30

BCCI may lift ban (for cricket match fixing) on Azharuddin (LINK)

A cheater, now monitor of the class,
Said."I'm important, so I hope I pass..",
If the MP matchfixing accused,
From his guilt, can be excused,
For me, it will be such a simple task....

Billion-foolish, penny-wise

2009-11-21T16:46:00.003+05:30

Koda fails to appear before ED for questioning for the third time....(LINK)

I was a day late returning a book,
"Pay the fine" they said, and i said ,"Look,
I had the swine flu,
And my weakness just grew
A full hour to walk here, for me , it took......"

But the ED doesnt know how to enforce,
Rules on scamster Madhu Koda , of course,
"Dont bother me", says he,
"I'm electioneering, can't you see",
I will spend it all while you search for the source.."

Authorities are billion-foolish , penny-wise,
Scamsters intimidate in a minister's guise,
Petty people they chase,
And bungle every big case,
For guessing who wins, there will be no prize......

The MNCs play Gilli Danda

2009-11-15T10:16:00.005+05:30

Sony Plastation has digitalised the Indian game Gilli Danda [Link]

Hear this! Sony digitalized Gilli-Danda
And Coke said ‘Piyo Thanda, Jiyo Thanda’
The MNCs have understood the game
For the route to Money and Fame
Don’t ignore India, that’s the 'basic funda'

Vivek

Parole Party

2009-11-13T14:05:00.005+05:30

Murderer get parole based on lies. LINK

He asks "where's the party tonight ?",
I need to get my parole reasons right,
Religious ceremony for the dead,
My mother isnt well, he said,
If this doesnt convince them , nothing might.

The most well connected prisoner, by far,
Got paroled and went straight to a 5 star,
Misbehaving with girls , his choice,
But the public errupted in noise,
And he had to burrow back into his cell at Tihar

He has political cushions on which to lean,
For him a charmed life in jail it has been,
CM supports him on the whole,
Lets him tell lies to get parole,
How long he stays in prison, remains to be seen.....

Diary of Madhu Koda

2009-11-08T14:08:00.002+05:30

A case was registered against Koda and eight others by the Enforcement Directorate of IT department on October 10 for alleged money laundering, diversion of state funds and indulging in huge illegal investments abroad.
(link)

Mines in Thailand, money in Europe,
Madhu Koda's fortunes on a wild gallop,
But his stomach is in pain,
CBI waits for him yet again,
And the name diary still packs a good wallop...

Government, for them, of them, by them.....

2009-11-07T23:14:00.005+05:30

Maharashtra politicians finally end their haggling for riches, and form a government. LINK

They get elected with a majority thin,
Fight, then say, the situation is "win-win",
After 16 days of waste,
I wonder if this is a taste,
Of what awaits us, when they actually begin...

Its actually a shameless tug-of-war,
Greedy chaps, they all want more,
More money, less work,
Responsibility ? Lets shirk !
The whole thing is rotten down to the core.....

H1N1 in Gujarat

2009-11-01T18:36:00.005+05:30

Narendra Modi, the chief minister of Gujarat was diagnosed with swine flu recently., after a visit to Russia. (Link)

The man everyone loves to hate,
He has Swine Flu, as of to-date,
But now its very clear
He got it from Russia,
In Gujarat, the vaccine wont reach late

Reptiles and the Norwegian Sin

2009-10-28T09:47:00.002+05:30

The news report on which this limerick is based is absolutely hilarious. I have copied and pasted it fully for the benefit of readers.

The Norwegian man was a bit weird
To whom the reptiles got endeared
The Customs Officer said, 'Arrest'
'There are snakes around his waist'
He dropped pants, out came lizards!!

OSLO (Reuters) - A man was caught by Norwegian customs carrying a tarantula in his bag, and a further 14 royal pythons and 10 albino leopard geckos taped to his body, media reported Monday.
The 22-year-old Norwegian was stopped in a routine check by Kristiansand customs after arriving on a ferry from Denmark, newspaper Faedrelandsvennen reported.
Customs found the tarantula, before deciding to give him a full body search that revealed 14 stockings -- one for each snake -- taped around his torso, top selling tabloid VG said.
Reptile smuggling is not uncommon in Norway, which prohibits people holding many reptile species as pets, but office manager Helge Breilid at Kristiansand customs was quoted by VG as saying customs officers had been "horrified" by Sunday's catch.
"Customs officers quickly realized the man was smuggling animals, because his whole body was in constant motion," Breilid told VG.
When the man dropped his pants, the officers found 10 cans taped to his legs, each containing a lizard, he said.
The man was still being held by police Monday, Kristiansand police attorney Johann Martin Kile told VG, adding he would be released upon agreeing to pay a 12,500 Norwegian crowns ($2,256) fine.
The reptiles were handed over to a security firm until Norwegian authorities decide what to do with them, Breilid said.
(Reporting by Richard Solem)

Yes, he can ....

2009-10-10T19:34:00.003+05:30

Before the exams, the results are out,
Nobel Folks have shown what its all about,
Mr Obama , the man,
Kept saying, "Yes , I can...",
I guess it matters how loud you shout.

Actress says M[e]ao

2009-10-06T12:14:00.006+05:30

Priyanka Chopra complained that she was overworked and underpaid [Link]

They make her speak all abracadabra
On sex, scotch and stripes of zebra
But, listen, what she said!
"I'm overworked and underpaid!!"
We're in the same boat, O Priyanka Chopra!

Vivek

words of encouragement

2009-10-04T18:45:00.003+05:30

My son, the election candidate,
To get power , its never too late;
To Gujarat , take a trip
All the costs you can skip,
Your mother's qualifications are great !

Ministers on your left, babus on the right,
So long as I'm there you dont need to fight,
For a start you can learn,
To grant things out of turn,
And whenever you wish, just take a big bite...

2009-09-12T23:13:00.002+05:30

The other day, while addressing American schoolchildren, US President Obama stated that his ideal dinner guest would be Gandhi. [Link]

The US President Obama
Created a minor 'Hungama'
He said 'Gandhi is the best'
As presidential dinner guest
But it was a fasting day for the Mahatma!

Vivek

Quick and desperate solutions

2009-09-09T17:58:00.004+05:30

For all the Congress talk of austerity and sacrifice in the time of drought — its MPs have been asked to pay 20% of their salary for drought relief — two of its high-profile Ministers are comfortably settled in two five-star hotels in the capital.

For over three months now, External Affairs Minister S M Krishna is at ITC’s Maurya on Sardar Patel Marg and his junior Shashi Tharoor at Hotel Taj Mahal on Man Singh Road Link

There was a young chap in a school,
Who was asked what profession was cool;
He said, "Politics , by far,
Your life is five-star,
And the food will just make you drool..."

Dal is so expensive , we just make kadhi,
Petrol soars, I share a bike with my buddy,
What use is a Rank,
With nothing in the bank,
Its really pointless to continue to study.

Wear a tricolor scarf, walk in the crowd,
Ordinary speeches, then Jai Hind really loud,
Delete the trouble makers,
Reward the loyal fakers,
Emerge as a minister, bloody but unbowed.

NEXT IS WHAT?

2009-07-06T11:04:00.000+05:30

(Roger Federer won his 15th Grand Slam tournament yesterday at the 2009 Wimbledon Championships - more than any other man in tennis history.)

You need no more ask, "Tennis ka king kaun?"
That was confirmed at Wimbledon,
Talent aplenty, lots of grit,
50 aces did he hit,
Take a bow, Federer, the summit is won!

Dal, flies and cricket

2009-06-20T18:25:00.006+05:30

June 20,2009
Obama can cook keema, dal; is a big cricket fan (Link)

US President Barack H Obama can cook kheema and dal. He is a fan of cricket but terrible with bats. These little known secrets about Obama were revealed during his interview to Dawn television of Pakistan where he reflected upon his acquaintance with the South Asian culture.

As a student , Dal, he learned to cook,
But in cricket, could never master the hook,
But he proudly said, "I,
"Can now murder a fly",
Getting to the White House was all it took....

A twist in the tale...

2009-06-13T10:49:00.004+05:30

Pranab Loses Cool, Twists Photo Journalist's Ear (Link)

Grandfather ministers, simply have no fear,
They brook no interference , thats clear,
If your camera is a pest,
And a photo you request,
They just frown and come twist your ear.....

Some members in parliament act juvenile,
Keep interrupting the Speaker, all the while..
So as they disturb and shout,
This minister has enough clout,
And should drag and twist their long ears in style

More Tobacco day ?

2009-06-01T17:05:00.004+05:30

In his infinite wisdom, the Health Minister chooses World NO Tobacco Day, to say, that showing people puffing cigarettes in movies is fine, and need not be banned.... (link)

The combined knowledge of a ministerial mind,
May possibly leave some empty space behind,
For despite United Nations,
And "anti tobacco" declarations,
The election euphoria has made them so blind

So while heroes in movies inhale a poison puff,
Kill a kidnapped child, and then say " how tough!,
That's entertainment,dance and song,
We show kids everything that's wrong,
Its you who allows them to watch all that stuff..".

So just like reel life , real life teaches,
No one's impressed by ministerial speeches,
They're busy checking "offers",
Its always time to fill the coffers,
And then suck the common man dry, like parasitic leeches...

How to be a minister....

2009-05-28T10:36:00.003+05:30

Ten days after the election results are out, and the formation of the cabinet is delayed due to various parties and folks cashing on on IOU's , family avarice, and religion.....

Elected Children of MP's vying for a post,
Some folks in Delhi, favoring their dost,
Chief ministers in a huff,
We feel enough is enough,
Passing an exam must be compulsory for most

Choosing on religion, and merit unseen,
Votes , the final consideration has been,
Next come the states,
Wide open the floodgates,
This is bigger than any cabinet we've seen

Would you like to be a minister, tell me now,
No need to study, just learn how to bow,
No exams , no results,
Just follow political cults,
But stay away from those who follow Chairman Mao.....

Handful of Love

2009-05-27T00:11:00.003+05:30

This is what Shilpa Shetty says about her African Safari experience on her blog ....
"Fed ostriches and got pecked by one! And also fed a giraffe, they have the longest purple tongues, wrapped it around my hand, leaving its saliva all over it, eeow! But what fun" [Link to her Blog]

The tallest animal, the African Giraffe
Said 'Yaron, Mera dil to hai saaf'
He used his long purple tongue
Licked Shilpa's hands and sung
'My job just begun, not done even half'

Vivek

Blogging at 97 : RIP

2009-05-24T18:18:00.005+05:30

Spanish granny dubbed 'world's oldest blogger' dies (link)

Maria Amelia Lopez, who died on Wednesday, began blogging from her home in Galicia two years ago, winning a raft of fans with her eclectic mix of commentary and nostalgia infused with a sharp wit. She said ,""On December 23rd 2006, my grandson gave me a present, this blog when I was 95 years old ... and my life changed ... now, I can communicate and interact with the world.".......

Her grandson gifted her a blog in 2006,
And she picked up the techniques and tricks,
As 95 years og age,
Blogging page after page,
And the numerous comments gave her the kicks....

The worlds oldest, Maria Amelia Lopez,
And she Blogged for a total of 888 days,
She woke up the world,
Her opinions unfurled,
Set an example for us in so many ways...

At the age of 97, she is, no more, now
Her regular readers miss her and how!
So incisive her writing,
The wit was so biting,
All I can say, is simply, Oh Wow !......

Pardon me, Say it again please....

2009-05-23T11:45:00.002+05:30

Dr. Manmohan Singh [76] has chosen old ministers for his cabinet, with average age of 65!

He was waiting, he had got elected
PM called him up, and he said
'Rush to Delhi, Get ready
For swearing in, Old Buddy',
He shouted 'where is my hearing aid'!

Vivek

A SHOE FOR LUCK

2009-05-18T19:40:00.001+05:30

(Today’s Mumbai Mirror reports how all the candidates who had shoes thrown at them by members of the public, won the elections. See link.)

Cinderella found a prince when she lost her shoe,
Our MP-s won the polls when they ducked a shoe,
Horse-shoes are age-old symbols of luck,
So, if you, too, want to make a fast buck,
Ask a well-wisher to throw his footwear at you.

Criminals up by 17%

2009-05-18T12:55:00.004+05:30

150 tainted MPs in 15th Lok Sabha: Report (link)

Pay your taxes on time, and stand in a line,
Follow al the rules and you'll be just fine,
Dont treat govt as fools,
Obey the traffic rules,
Just slog daily from nine to nine....

But if you're a murderer, or a cheat,
You can fight for a parliament seat,
With a bad criminal case,
Get a halo behind your face,
And smile at the boss in the party meet.....

Criminals in the legislature,up by 17 percent,
I just wonder where all the decent types went,
I'm just wondering whether,
We can pack all crooks together,
And replace them with folks with some decent intent.......

Circus :The aftermath

2009-05-17T13:40:00.004+05:30

The circus is over, winners take a bow,
Statues and capes gone for a toss and how!
S0 on to some economic acrobatics,
The clowns will avoid the slapsticks,
The need is to sing together our Anthem now

Citizen Lament

2009-05-15T11:06:00.004+05:30

Jayalalitha, resplendent in her cape so great,
Hopes the call from New Delhi will not be late,
What is now very clear,
Is she doesnt like Sonia,
But there are things that could alter this concept of hate....

Statues to the left and Statues to the right,
Leaning and towering, eighteeen feet in height,
And as UP looks at posts higher,
they realize it is all just Maya,
And her belief that her future in Delhi is so bright

So we go eastwards lest Mamata we forget ,
To beat the Left, we think she is just set,
But its interesting to learn,
To Mama Mia she may turn,
And we wonder how then she'll get along with the Left?

Manifestoes will adorn every party's face,
Lies will be stated with the most disgusting grace,
Ministers will be sworn,
More crooks will be born,
Making more money ? Let them count the ways.....

This game of power has sure become funny,
Everyone's so righteous, except about money,
Pockets being crammed,
Principles be damned,
It doesnt matter whether its Manmohan or Advani.....

Criteria for selection

2009-05-12T17:32:00.004+05:30

General Elections 2009 : candidates with Criminal Records, A comparative look .(Link)

If you are pure,white and clear as snow,
You really dont stand a chance you know,
For a candidate in an election,
Must be a criminal for selection,
And must have at least 25 court cases to show

Cleaning the mind

2009-05-10T10:51:00.004+05:30

Judge asks accused to mop floor of hospital (Link) Justice B Chandra Kumar, while granting anticipatory bail to a techie Dinesh Kumar in an eve teasing case, put a condition that he (the techie) should clean the floors of Gandhi General Hospital for a month.

If only, to his good senses he had paid heed,
The techie, would have not done this deed,
Troubled two girls from a bike,
Pulled dupattas and the like,
His brain deserting him in the hour of need....

He absconded , was traced, a court he had to face,
The judge decided to put him nicely in his place,
The mind , clean he must keep,
Daily the hospital he must sweep,
Such an appropriate sentence by the judge in this case .....

The Genetic Anger

2009-05-05T09:38:00.003+05:30

Do you get often angry? It is attributed to a gene called DARRP-32 says Hindustan Times news.

Some get angry and some straight face
We knew always what that was the case
It's in the genes, they said it
'DARRP-Thitytwo' is the culprit,
Angry? Thank dad, mom and your race!

Election of Frogs....

2009-05-01T10:23:00.004+05:30

Gov solution to dengue: Feed mosquitoes to frogs (LINK)

International studies have concluded that frogs are in no way effective in containing the mosquito population in the country. Delhi State health department may ship frogs from UP and Haryana.

Some folks in Haryana must be tickled pink,
They've convinced the Delhi government to think,
Who cares what anyone thinks of it,
Their frog farms will earn a profit,
As for the polluted Yamuna. It can just stink....

Dengue and malaria, your life goes to the dogs,
These mosquitoes are supposedly mithai to the frogs,
If you see a frog watching you,
Next time you use the loo,
Its just relaxing after all the insects it hogs

But scientists imply that frogs believe in caste,
These dengue type mosquitoes by them are bypassed,
Yet as a sop across the Delhi border,
The frogs will still be put on Order,
And sense and science will be totally outclassed......

No, thank you, not now.....

2009-04-27T09:56:00.006+05:30

Nehru-Gandhi scion says not ready to be Indian PM (Link)

He slogged at school all thru his childhood,
Crowded trains to college, as any other would,
He feels someone has lied
For a job he has applied,
And he isnt getting replies ,thats not good....

These qualifications for some are never seen,
It matters most who your father has been,
They say "Now is the time,
To be our minister, Prime",
And he says," No , not now, I'm not really keen...."

A lifetime of facilities and requirements to waive,
Publicly funded security , by our soldiers so brave,
But what boggles imagination,
Is incomes without education,
And a raining of benefits, which you greedily save...

Do we have no respect for the middle class man,
Managing his job, and family , as best as he can,
Tries to live in good deeds
Minimizing his needs,
But he has lost the election before it even began.....

A ‘SIZZLING’ AFFAIR

2009-04-27T00:31:00.001+05:30

(This 'limerick' is, hopefully, an accurate and journalistic reporting of the affair)

Five eager bloggers met for lunch,
It’d be rather fun, they had a hunch,
There was discussion aplenty,
Stomachs went not empty,
To sum up: “talk, sizzle, talk, munch, munch, munch”.

Footwear industry reports great second quarter gains....

2009-04-23T17:12:00.003+05:30

Net to protect Modi from possible shoe attack (Link)

You either duck, or you return the shot,
The badminton racket , for that , is really hot,
But when the shuttle is a shoe,
What's a politician to do ?
Put a net in front , thats what Modi has got....

But folks are angry, and thinking on their toes,
Practising angles and speeds of their throws,
Some guys might get real wise,
And Even reduce the shoe size,
So it passes thru the Net, and targets the nose

On the throne , Bharat placed Lord Ram's padukaas,
With great respect they were worshipped en masse
But in these eras of disgust
Search, we really must,
For some decent folks amidst the bosses and stars....

DIAL M FOR MALLIKA’S MILKSHAKE

2009-04-21T00:44:00.000+05:30

(Our very own man-magnet, Ms Mallika Sherawat, recently had a milkshake named after her, following in the footsteps of the illustrious Ms Victoria Beckham. Mallika was recently seen on NDTV – courtesy YouTube – enthusiastically throwing strawberries into…the milk).

Move over, MNC Nestle’s old-fashioned Milkmaid
Desi Mallika is our fave Mother Dairy, instead,
This busty lissome damsel,
Easily can milkshake sell,
Whatever you may call her, you can’t call her staid.

An abundance of anger

2009-04-19T22:05:00.003+05:30

Food packet flung at a politician in Goa (Link)

Dodging flung missiles, is a practised art,
Shoes, chappals, food , where do you start?
This Goan man was so funny
He flung a packet of biryani
Saying, in a democracy , I'm just playing my part.....

And although , while dodging , the politicians fumble,
They never lose their balance, just fall, or stumble
The netas are so khush,
They feel just like Bush,
To be a shoe target , is now a status symbol.....

The unbearable lightness of " being rice"

2009-04-09T08:51:00.005+05:30

(Click on the delicious stuff to give up)

Rice pearls indulged by thick curds,
Add pickle, and I have no words
To describe the taste,
No time to waste,
Slurp! manners are just for birds...

Deep into the sambar, lost is the rice,
Veggies and dal in a syrup of spice,
Swear somebody's kasam,
Dont give up rice and rasam,
Life amidst chapaties is not so nice...

Idlis and dosas, have their rice content too,
As a South Indian fellow, I am sure you knew,
You might just give up those,
A whiff of chutney up your nose,
And the grinding folks will be grateful to you.....

Boom, Doom, and Grooms....

2009-04-07T08:32:00.003+05:30

NRI grooms lose in recession, Indian grooms gain ! But now the demand for NRI*** grooms has fallen by almost 20 per cent and, with the economic slump hitting the private sector badly, people are once again looking out for 'stable' government employees. (Link)

They'd repatriate money and create housing booms
Construct palatial bungalows with several rooms,
Now brides are asking , "Why
Should I marry an NRI*** ? "
The economic downturn and layoffs spell doom...

So devalued has become the NRI label,
Folks look locally, as much as they are able,
Avoid the shaky dollar,
Prefer the Nehru collar,
Guys in govt jobs are preferred as they're stable.....

***NRI : Non Resident Indian